Continuing on my quest to attend every NBA Arena (I was at 12 going into this game), I stopped by the Wachovia Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia to catch the 76ers and Raptors square off.

Wait, Vince Carter and Allen Iverson aren’t playing?! Who is? Ben Uzoh? Thaddeus Young? Yikes, these tickets aren’t refundable, right? Ok, I understand.

My travels initially took me to my ancestral homeland of NY, but I got a good view of Philly and it’s sports stadiums. As you can see the 76ers, Eagles and Phillies stadiums share a parking lot in the southern most reach of the city, flush with the I-95.

Local MLS team the Philadelphia Union thought it would be a better idea to build their stadium 30 miles away in Chester, the second worst neighborhood in America according to MediaTakeout.com.

Continuing my aerial tour of stadiums (and my luck with seating, flight paths and visibility), here is the still under construction Barclay’s Center, future home of my Brooklyn Nets. There was initial resistance to a stadium in downtown Brooklyn but the calculated addition of Jay Z to the ownership team quelled this.

Then people were offended that Barclay’s bought the naming rights to it because they used to bankroll the slave trade back in the day. That seems bad but you have to remember, a ton of companies have evil histories: Adidas, who is all over the NBA, was started by nazis, the Patriots swim in Bain Capital money (RIP Kay Bee Toys) and the Knicks are still owned by Cablevision, one of the most sinister, evil companies out there (see: Manhattan Knicks blackout from earlier this season).

Now the resistances comes from the hipsters who have gentrified the area in recent years. I have a friend who moved there roughly a year ago, I’ll protect her identity by simply calling her Zoe Olivia O’Brian. Her reaction is “I don’t want all these people coming out here”.  It’s pretty ironic that the people who gentrified the neighborhood are now upset by the prospect of a bunch of black millionaires moving in.

My childhood home can be seen in this photo and as a black (ish) person from the neighborhood, I’m all for the Barclay’s Center and you better believe it’s innageraul game will be brought to you on LolaSportsTalk.

Arthur Ashe stadium, home of the US Open (obviously not the golf one).

Here’s Citi Field, home of the Mets, relatively packed on opening day 2012. Just kidding, it was the day before opening day, I would assume a few dozen more people would be there on opening day.

The Eagles and 76ers parking lot: Where Philadelphia sports teams fans dreams go to die. Fans of opposing teams also go there to die.

In the parking lot I noticed some bones, I wasn’t sure if they were the remnants of a tailgate or some unlucky opposing team’s fans.

There is a movement to get NBA teams to follow their international counterparts lead and start to put corporate sponsors names and logos on their jerseys (highlighted by this wonderful piece from Grantland). While the Philly teams uniforms are still corporate sponsorship free, their subway station already had its naming rights purchased by AT&T.

In the background you can the relative distance from downtown. A straight shot down the Broad st. subway line gets you to all the games with relative ease. As a Jets fan I’m a bit jealous, the public transportation trek from downtown NYC to a Jets game makes the Trail of Tears seem like a summer stroll through Central Park on a summer day by comparison. Too soon?

I sipped some pregame PBRs that I had brought with me in a shopping bag.

We’re getting pretty close to someone legally getting their name changed to their twitter handle.

If I were an opposing teams fan I would definitely buy a Coca Cola and “accidentally” spill it on this carpet.

At 76ers games, not only can you  buy jerseys to dress like your favorite 76ers, you can also by suits to dress up like your favorite Philadelphia Mobster. I’m getting a suit that says “Tony Bananas” across the back.

After an extraordinarily long search for a non draft beer I finally capitulated and bought a draft (if you don’t know already, they’re watered down). It’s not every day you get handed a draft beer with a straw in it.

This is also the home of the Broad Street Bullies.

All these guys needed was a friend wearing an Iverson brand hockey jersey.

I finally found the non-watered down beer and bought a Labbatt Ice for a cool $11.

I thought it was a little disingenuous that the same girl sang the Canadian and American national anthems. Pick a side.

The balding ponytail. *Jim Jones voice* Baaaaallllllldiiiinnnnggg”.

Philly’s rafters are pretty impressive, a lot of great players up there. Barkley and Iverson are arguably 2 of the top 10 most popular basketball players ever. Barkley was gone too soon but Philly was lucky to get the whole Iverson experience. I kept scanning the crowd with hopes to see AI’s Mom wearing a camo Iverson jersey with a Slick Rick amount of jewelery around her neck (remember, I’m the guy who tracked down Gloria James at the All Star game).

“How you doin’?” Isn’t this just Comcast exploiting Philly Italian stereotypes? Why didn’t they just use other stereotypical slogans such as “Wassa Matta Wit You?!”, “I Gotcha Boycott Right Hea’” and “This Moolanyan, He must Have An MX Missile for a Cock to Jump That High” (copywrite: the Mafia Don in “New Jack City).

“Doug Collins: Our Players Haven’t Tuned Him Out Yet”.

*Update* They actually might have already.

Being that I was going to a Philly game, I was conscious about what jersey to wear (don’t all jouranlists wear random jerseys to games?). If I wore my Nets jersey I cold be mistaken for a Giants fan. I love my Vince Carter Raptors jersey but they were the opposing team, so I didn’t want to end up like those bones in the parking lot. I settled on Michael Jordan, who can hate that? To quote Future, “I’m Michael Jordan, bitch in every city”.

Ok.

If I knew enough about hockey I could make a Lindros joke.

I’m pretty sure this guys ginourmous airbrushed shirt caused a shortage of spray paint in the Philadelphia area.

Chickie and Pete’s was the only name brand food I recognized (sadly no Tony Luke’s like in the neighboring Citizens Bank Park). They’re known for their crabs, but they only offered a limited menu consisting of chicken tenders on bread (< chicken tenders on fries) and “crab fries” which actually contain no crab.

“so they don’t have any crab in them, just french fries with old bay seasoning?” I asked the woman.

“no they have old bay and other seasonings”.

They came with what I thought was some form of tartar sauce, but was later disappointed to discover was melted cheese. It was a pretty gross combo.

I still bought them for a reasonable (#sarcasm) $10. I ate 1/4 of them and they made me feel nauseous so I threw them out. Two days later is was in the Philly airport and could smell a Chickie and Petes from 50 feet away and it made me sick again. If I would have simply crumpled up and eaten the $10 bill it would have been a more fulfilling dining experience.

Nice Phillies tattoo. I want to get a miniature tattoo of the Old Meadlowands next to my eye. Seriously.

This guy had a jersey made up of 4 different Philly team jerseys.

Oh yea, there was a game going on! Well the bottom feeding Raptors ended up winning despite star PG Jose Calderon receiving a couple of stitches worth of elbow above his eye.

I’m pretty sure this guy in the orange is a football player. If anyone can tell me he is they get a prize.

I’m pretty sure this is Ed Davis’s Mom.

This was a pretty depressing blow for a Philly team that that has been tumbling down the standings as of late.

Philly fans took it in stride though, at least the Phillies season starts the next day.

I didn’t know until I arrived that there was a Sweet 16 game being played at the Georgia Dome, right next to Philips Arena. Why would people go watch amateur basketball when the pros are playing right next door?

The South’s love of collegiate sports apparently overruled it’s love of archaic, Salem-in-the-1600s-era anti alcohol laws as beer was sold outside on the concourse. You couldn’t buy beer in the Georgia Dome so frat boys had to binge drink before entering.

I don’t know what draws religious extremists to sporting events like moths to the flame.

Philips Arena employs a “verbal pat down” where instead of patting you down to feel if you are concealing any contraband, they just ask you.

My seats were right at the Nets Player entrance. At the All Star Game a few weeks ago I got my Nets Mutumbo Jersey signed by Mutumbo, Deron Williams, MarShon Brooks and Anthony Morrow. I was aiming to complete the look and get the jersey signed by Humphries tonight.

Before the game started, the Hawks sent Willie Green out to beg the season ticket holders to renew their tickets (tonight was the deadline). Nice to see they brought out the big guns.

Here you see where the new two million dollar restaurant, Red, is being built. Stadiums are becoming ridiculously opulent and Philips Arena is trying to keep up with the Joneses.

The crowd club section was sparsely populated.

The Hawks paid off cheering section had a jeer for Kris Humphries. He had relations with Kim K, they have to cheer for their seats, I’d say Kris is winning.

This usher was The Ticket Nazi. He would go to great lengths to check every ones tickets, even though there were tons of empty seats which look bad on TV. He asked me to move two seats over to my original seat even though the row was empty.

Season ticket money collection strategy: Send a hot girl of the season ticket holder’s ethnicity to coerce them into resigning.

Anthony Morrow: one of the purest shooters in the league.

In denial, ex superstar Tracy McGrady

Gerald Greens reemergence has been surprising, yet highly enjoyable. Usually players don’t master the mental aspect of the game until their physical powers are diminished, but Gerald, who had been out of the league since the 2008-09 season, seems to have gained some humility and technique from the D-League while still keeping his hops.

Jerry Stackhouse took his turn begging for season ticket renewals. He’s spent less than 1/13th of his career with the Hawks, why shouldn’t fans listen to him?

PJ Carliesimo, trying to get his ass choked by MarShon Brooks.

The only player who slapped me five at halftime was DeShawn Stevenson.

I found out the next day that he had the flu. Great.

Every game I go to at Philips I check in on the non Hawks merchandise auction/Hawks Exec’s discreet yard sale. I actually wouldn’t mind getting that Durant Sports Illustrated. Durant signed it with a black marker, he should have been a good teammate and filled in Nenad Krstic’s hairline while he was at it.

My apparent dopplegangers, LMFAO are coming into town to do a show at Philips. Look for me in the parking lot after the show wearing some white rimmed glasses with no lenses, signing autographs and trying to pickup chicks.

My friend D went with blue cheese fries. Blue cheese chips are a local delicacy (homemade chips, crumbled blue cheese, blue cheese dressing and tomatoes!). These fries had significantly less trappings, but I was please by the level of funkiness of the blue cheese sauce.

I made the tragic decision to get the buffalo chicken sandwich. It was basically 2 chicken nuggets on a bun with lettuce, tomato and a stingy amount of extra generic buffalo sauce. Thankfully it was only $2.50 as it was subsidized by the $5 credit my ticket came with.

It’s the Ticket Nazi again.

This young, disloyal (see the iPhone case) Hawks fan came down to take a photo but was chased off by the Ticket Nazi who said “you can take photos from your own seats”. If he was working for the Steelers back in the day that little kid never would have been able to give Mean Joe Green that Coca Cola.

I beat anorexia.

Another PJ Carleisimo sighting.

Holy shit, it’s Nets GM Billy King! You can see how sharp my paparzzi eye is, I can even identify team executives lounging in the crowd. The Nets have made some big time gambles recently that were thisclose to paying off until they were thwarted by all of Dwight Howards crappy teammates on a red eye flight right before the deadline.

Instead of having a contingency plan in place for this rejection (like trading the soon to be Dallas Maverick Deron Williams), King doubled down on a bet that was already losing by trading the teams 1st round pick (only top 3 protected, it’s a very deep draft) for Gerald Wallace. This left the Nets in the position where they had to either really tank and pray to get a top 3 pick (the lottery hasn’t been kind to the Nets lately) or fight to make the playoffs, taking the pick out of lottery.

The Nets responded to the trade by losing their next four games and are well on their way to surrendering the no. 4 draft pick.

49ers linebacker Takeo Spikes. He’s the only celebrity that I can recognize by their neck.

Billy King, doing this best to look pensive.

This kid has a Hawks Kris Humphries jersey, weird. I guess Keeping Up With The Kardashians isn’t broadcast in the Atlanta market.

I don’t understand why people on the upper deck don’t move up to the front. Are they super far sighted or something?

Wearing a coordinated neon trimmed outfit courtside at half court is a cry for help.

Billy King, thinking deep thoughts about how to further destroy the team.

I figured I may as well sit behind him and try to get an insight on what drives his decisions.

In the end I had no questions to really ask him. I pretty much know what happened with Dwight Howard. I already believe the Crash Wallace deal was a bad idea and “nice job trading for MarShon Brooks” isn’t a question. I suppose I could have asked him about the Chris Webber trade but who wants to beat a dead horse? I could ask him for a job but I knew this piece would be rough on him, can’t hold back when you’re steering my team like an Italian cruise ship captain. Maybe I’ll just…..

Get a Nets fan to give him some bunny ears while he tries to look in deep thought. Eventually he left, either he had enough of me taking photos or grew tired of people mistaking him for Mike Woodson.

These girls thought the LMFAO concert came early and took iPhone photos of me.

As far as the actual game, the Nets lost by 9. I wasn’t surprised. I was at their season opener when they shocked the Wizards and it’s been all down hill from there. After the simultaneous stomach punch/ testicle kick that Dwight Howard gave (the few, the proud, the) Nets fans at the deadline, my expectations are sufficiently Low. I’m just preparing myself for when Jay Z is representing the Nets in he draft lottery and gets the 4th pick.

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Upon waking up I reconnected with DR. A. We got some breakfast and then spent some time being held hostage by Disney World related traffic on our way back to the stadium.

Parking right by the arena was an ultra reasonable $10.

When we got back to the stadium, we parked and had some beers at The Downtown Pourhouse on
Orange st before parting ways. Dr. A went into the stadium to hobnob with the upper crust of the basketball world while I walked to fetch my ticket from a Stubhub pickup that was conveniently (#Sarcasm) located over a mile away next to Amway Arena, the Magic’s old stadium.

I hadn’t had much downtime this trip and instead of heading back to Orange St. to get my drink on, I posted up in the car to charge my batteries, work on my photos from the night before and listen to Rick Ross’s “Rich Forever” mixtape start to finish. I never push music on my listeners but you really should download this mixtape, it’s free and in my opinion it’s the album of 2012.

After sufficient decompression I waded through NBA fans, religious extremists, and ticket scalpers to get back to Amway.

I had tried to avoid the pregame concert because I wasn’t interested in seeing Gym Class Heroes or Kenny Smith’s daughter perform but I snapped a photo on the way in. Apparently all us mixed people look the same to you because a few years ago everyone would always say “you look like the guy from Gym Class Heroes.” 2012 Has been all about people asking me if I am the guy from LMFAO. I heard it three times during this weekend, usually under people’s breath. Unfortunately none of those three inquiries came from hot chicks or else I would have said “well, I sure am”. One of these days I’m just going to say “Fuck it” and sign an autograph as the guy.

To get in everyone had to walk through a full body metal detector. Is this a basketball arena or a Magic Johnson movie theater?

The Magic has been lucky as shit in the NBA Draft Lottery, winning it 3 times and landing Shaq, Penny Hardaway + three first round pics, and Dwight Howard respectively.

Since I make smart ticket purchases, my seat was right by the TNT Studio which was actually built over the player entrance. If you ever have ticket questions tweet me at @LolaSportsTalk, I’m a pro.

Jessie Jackson was courtside shaking hands.

The Big Smooth, Sam Perkins. I noticed his haircut before I noticed him.

I went down to the player entrance and was photographing Deron Williams signing a hat for a kid. He squinted at my chest and said “Who’s 55?” He was referencing the Net’s Dikembe Mutumbo jersey I was wearing. I told him it was Mutumbo, “that’s tight” he replied.

“Actually, do you mind signing it?” I asked. I never ask athletes for an autograph, it just seems weird to me, but last year at the Dunk Contest my friend got a ball signed by Mutumbo while I left my Deke jersey at home. This year I came prepared, as a Nets fan and a HUGE Mutumbo fan this meant a lot to me. I know I have been tough on Deron on LolaSportsTalk.com over the last few months, taking exception to the fact he’s clearly going to Dallas (he even took another dump on the Nets today) On a personal level he was very nice, taking interest in the only admitted Nets fan in the building.

Another Frank Isola sighting, here is is chatting up the Italian Media. The NBA is becoming more international every year. As you can see I’m sitting closer tonight.

Marcin “The Polish Hammer” Gortat. He left Orlando as a backup and returned as a borderline All Star. I’m really enjoying the rise of the Euro Big Man.

Olympic Gold Medal winning speed skater Apollo Anton Ohno. One of the most easily recognizable soul patches this side of Phil Jackson.

Bill Russell again, a true ambassador for the game.

I wanted to make the only AC Green joke in the book but honestly he seemed like a nice guy. It’s easier for me to make jokes from the couch because you don’t really get to see the human side of these guys. He seemed like a nice guy and there’s no reason to say anything mean.

I forget who this guy is but I know him from TV.

Nicki Minaj gave a performance that seemingly no one wanted to see. With her fake hair, fake boobs and fake butt she is kind of reminiscent of Sammy Sosa when he was on steroids AND had a corked bat. If you must know my celeb crushes are Rihanna, Scarlett Johansson and Mya, in that order.

OKC Thunder coach Shoddy Brooks….er I mean Scotty Brooks.

Ladies and gentlemen, YOUR Western Conference All Stars.

Luol Deng wore a tee shirt with a picture of Africa on it instead of his All Star get up. He’s probably going to be fined tens of thousands of dollars for that uniform violation and the money will eventually trickle back to cheap ass, convicted racist and Clippers owner Donald Sterling through some revenue sharing. Perhaps he was better off just donating the money to Africa.

This is a real photo.

MediaTakeout.com ran this photo, it’s amazing how many poses Bosh could strike in the few seconds he was introduced.

Nicki Minaj changed her hair and returned to vocally assault the people in attendance again.

Mary J. Blige sang the National Anthem and brought the house down. It was absolutely phenomenal. Everyone I spoke to at the game said it was the best Star Spangled Banner they ever saw.

I’m pretty sure that’s racist NBA blogger Paul Shirley who ended his blogging career by penning an incredibly mean and condescending letter to the people of Haiti in the aftermath of their earthquake. If he got press credentials that’s pretty fucked up, who is he writing for, one of Ron Paul’s newsletters from the 1980′s?

Darryl Dawkins! It looks like he borrowed the suit Jaheim wore when he tried to get into Whintey Houston’s funeral.

The TNT guys simply turned the chairs on their set around to watch the game.

Like most All Star Games, the play was pretty sloppy. What separated this from other All Star Games was that the level of talent in this game was otherworldly. The number and quality of superstars in their prime right now is staggering.

Here Michael Rappaport runs into Common aka The Finish Line.

During a timeout Dwight Howard has a conversation with Magic owner Rich Devos while sitting next to Vinny from Jersey Shore.

I kept noticing LeBron James smiling and waving towards me. I sensed a disturbance in the force. LeBron doesn’t really mingle with mortals, so I figured it could only be………

Gloria James, MWA (Mother with an Attitude). She was sitting 4 rows behind me, incognito. I immediately got up, surrendering the spectacular second row seat that I had grifted. A photo of Gloria would be the crown jewel of my portfolio. Her reputation preceded her so I approached with extreme caution. “Excuse me Miss James, do you mind if I get a photo?” I asked. I was not sure if she heard me as her eyes were hidden behind her shades. There was an awkward silence and my heart started to drop. I feared she would say “no” and then I wouldn’t take the photo and it would ruin my trip. I simply pull the trigger, snapping a photo before being denied (or worse).

“What did you say?” she asks.

“If I could please get a photo” I respond, holding my camera up in a non menacing manner.

“Well you already got one so there you go”

This was caught on tape. I know this is zapruder quality footage, but in the background of this really weird Carmelo interview you see me forge my way across the row, walk up the stairs, stop for a few brief seconds and then walk off. That was the whole encounter. In real life it felt ten times longer.

I said a timid thank you and then sped off into the hallway to check my photo, the action on the floor was secondary at the moment. Was the photo blurry? Was the flash too bright? Did I miss her?

I couldn’t have asked for a better result.

Now that I had the photo and my nervous system had recovered from the “fight or flight” mode it was in with Ms. James, I had to figure what to do next, my options were:

A) Find some food, I was hungry.

B) Wait outside the section next to me because I knew Dikembe Mutumbo was in that section and I was wearing my Nets Mutumbo Jersey and brought a marker for the express purpose of having him sign it.

C) Go into full on sports paprazzi mode and walk laps around the arena and take photos of any celebs that were on food runs or bathroom breaks.

D) Go back to my seat and watch the watch the remaining 8 minutes of the first half.

I settled on A, B and C.

Chilled stone crab claws? Who runs the concessions in this arena, Rick Ross? $24 got you 3 claws, it made the five shrimp for $15 look like a deal.

The NBA’s deputy Commissioner Adam Silver. He’s David Stern’s heir apparent. I know I sound like a broken record but he was super nice, taking time out of his busy day to pose for this pic.

Dikembe mutumbo signing jersey

That jersey is now one of my top 3 most prized possessions.

I saw current Nets Anthony Morrow and MarShon Brooks. I’m a big fan of both, specifically MarShon, who is our post Deron Williams future and I told him as much. Both signed my jersey. I had never gotten an athlete’s autograph before tonight, but I’m glad I started. I would contemplate being buried in this jersey at this point.

I was struggling to decide what to eat and finally just grabbed the nearest thing to me which happened to be a chipotle (the seasoning, not the amazing restaurant chain) steak taco. The meat was pretty good, there just wasn’t enough of it to make a dent in my considerable hunger.

Former Eagles first round pick Freddie Mitchell. His playing career didn’t pan out (though my Brother is a die hard Eagles fan and loved the guy), his memorable antics (like wearing oven mitts to protect his hands becaue he said they were so important) still make him relevant.

Here’s comedian Michael Blackson. His most memorable role was the the Angry African from Next Friday, though he has been around for a long time. You should follow him on Twitter, he’s a funny modafocka.

Whoa, gyro nachos and philly nachos? Amway is really thinking outside of the box.

The Pacers Dahntay Jones. He was with Paul George but Paul declined a photo (the only person to do so all weekend). I still talked to Paul, asking how he lost the Dunk Contest to a guy who jumped over a 5’2 guy.

“It’s about popularity” he said.

“Well I tweeted you that you should have had Tebow come assist you, you would have won.” I replied.

“Damn, you are right.” he admitted.

I’m a much better coach than player in the game of life.

Hey Cleveland, “Space Balls” called, they want their dog back.

I will never get tired of the old people dancers.

During halftime I hid out from the Pit Bull/Chris Brown/Nicki Minaj show which would have been like the movie “Hostel” for my ears. As you can see the NBA is still flaunting Bad Boy Chris Brown. How is this cool? A few weeks ago he debuted the pickup line “can I get your number, I promise I won’t beat you.” This is who the NBA is having perform for young impressionable kids all over the World? Can someone please call them out this? Who’s performing next, Akon?!

While I was out stalking celebrities during the 2nd quarter, Kevin Durant and the West went HAM and owned an 88-68 advantage. Unfortunately someone usurped my 2nd row seat and I had to retreat to my actual seat which was in the 13th row.

The biggest thing that stuck out to me was what a competitor Kobe is. I know it’s almost cliche at his point, but he cursed like a sailor closing people down and was making insanely difficult shots. This was his 14th All Star game but he was playing like his life depended on it. His actions were in stark contrast to LeBron and a bunch of the other guys who were all chummy, laughing it up, and having a good time. I haven’t been the biggest Kobe supporter (snitching on Shaq to the Eagle, Colorado Police was inexcusable), but my respect for him grew exponentially as the game went on.

There was a tribute to the Dream Team. This summer’s Olympic games will spark the debate about which is the better team, the 1992 version or the 2012 version. The Dream Team has been properly canonized over the past 20 years but the rare quality of the current crop NBA of NBA superstars can not be overlooked. This summer’s Dream Team and more players were on display this night. It makes me feel less proactively bad about not going to the London Olympics this year.

Ever notice MJ doesn’t have any whites in his eyes? They’re like reddish brown now, probably the result of decades of all night gambling and cigar smoking.

Kobe passed MJ as the leading scorer in All Star Game history.

As far as my self imposed embargo on seafood at sports games, I cracked (pun intended) and got on the #MMG diet by ordering the stone crab claws. I basically did it just to say I did it, that’s the reason I do a lot of stuff in life. I basically paid $24 for this photograph.

The claws smelled kinda funky, were incredibly messy and made me miss a lot of photos.

While I was busy wasting $24, the East climbed back into the strength of LeBron’s 36 points and Wade’s triple double.

Russel Westbrook, pictured delivering a thunderous dunk. Why he didn’t participate in the dunk contest is beyond me.

Though I think I know why Blake didn’t participate in the 3 Point Shoot Out.

Even as the game became tighter than Lil Wayne’s pants, people left for some reason. That was fine by me because it meant I could reclaim by second row seat.

We’ve pretty much got LeBron figured out at this point: when games tighten up, so does he. He starts chewing on shit and stops shooting the ball, treating it like a hot potato every time it makes it’s way to him. We used to try to rationalize it by saying his female family members are sleeping with NBA players, but since the Finals last year it could be denied no more, it was just him.

Tonight would play out exactly as predicted, he scored 36 points but with the game on the line he repeatedly passed the ball, not attempting a shot. He effectively sealed the game with an ill advised cross court hot potato pass that was picked off. To be fair, LeBron was doubled every time he got the ball at the end and he did find the open shooters, but it was the haste in which he passed the ball away that betrayed his nerves. Just like the Finals, he didn’t post up or wait for a pick, he just immediately chucked the ball to a teammate, never daring to foray inside the 3 point line, never daring to look in the rims direction.

I remember his 48 point performance that toppled the Pistons. I remember the 3 LeBron hit to win game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals versus Orlando. Then I don’t know what happened, but something is wrong.

On the other end of the mental spectrum is Kobe Bryant. At this point, unbeknownst to us all, he was playing with a broken nose and a concussion. That didn’t stop him from jawing with Paul Pierce as he went to the line in crunch time. They dropped F bombs on each other and I distinctly heard Kobe say “Look at the numbers”. I dont know if he was alluding to the score of the game, the number of his titles compared to Pierce’s, his stats compared to Pierce’s or anything else but he was right, he was superior to Pierce by any metric.

The crowd behind the East bench got involved too: “Kobe I got $20 that says you don’t make them!” “Fuck you Kobe!” Leave it to Kobe to turn a friendly, no defense playing exhibition game into a blood fued, I fucking love it.

As an emotionally wounded Kendrick Perkins said a few weeks ago, LeBron wants people to like him. Kobe used to, but somewhere between a messy divorce with Shaq, a rape trial, being ripped to shreds by author Phil Jackson and scoring 81 points while dishing out 2 assists in a game, he stopped caring. He’s been free since then and the titles and accolades started to flow. LeBron should follow suit. He should dunk on more kids, he should make fun of more dunk victims and tell Cleveland that if they want to know why he left they should look in the mirror. We all wonder if LeBron is headed towards another breakdown in the Finals this year, if this game is any indication, yes.

With all that said, who am I to judge LeBron? I’m an out of shape, couch-ridden 29 year old who injured his knee while shooting around alone on the 9 1/2 foot hoop in my driveway the other day.

Here Deron missed a 3 off a pass from LeBron that could have put the East up by one.

MMG recording artist Meek Mill. Docktor A would later see him getting into a white Bugatti outside of the arena and driving off.

Blake Griffin of all people was at the free throw line with a chance to ice the game. A good question is why was he was the game when it was obvious that it as going to be decided by free throws and both Kevin Love and LaMarcus Aldridge (both outstanding free throw shooters) were on the bench? #ShoddyBrooksFail. Blake split the pair of free throws and the West was able to hang on for the win

The Ice Man cometh.

Steve Nash threw a ball into the crowd the same way Carl Lewis throws out a first pitch.

Kevin Durant won the MVP.

Westbrook didn’t look too happy about it.

Now that the game is over, future Dallas Maverick Deron Williams goes back to being a Dad.

Immediately after the game Dr. A and I got on the road back to Atlanta. Our ETA was 5 am. He was taking his kids to school that morning. Our trip home was marred by the Kevin Hart stand up special I had downloaded. It was as funny as a dead puppy.

The only thing I wanted to do and didn’t get to was meet Bill Simmons. While my ultimate dream is to take my talents to Grantland, if you told me before hand that I wouldn’t be seeing Bill Simmons, but I could pick 3 celebrities to photograph as a consolation I probably would have said Gloria James, Matt Berry and Michael Blackson. Not even kidding, I love all 3 of them.

All Star Weekend was a blast. I met a ton of people, photographed Gloria James, got my Mutumbo Jersey signed by some of my heroes and got to watch the best players in the history of basketball clash on the court.

Dr. A told me that he went to the 1985 All Star Weekend in Indianapolis where Dominique won the Dunk Contest. He said tickets were $5 and he could wait outside the locker rooms and get shoes and autographs from players. Fast forward 27 years and I just paid thousands of dollars to be seated at a fancy restaurant in the rafters and was cursed out by John Wall’s security when I tried to ask him for a photo (this happened).

Docktor A had press credentials and got to hang out on the court before the game and mill around the bowels of the stadium with oodles of celebrities and players. He said a (possibly not sober) Lil Wayne, who was rocking million dollar diamond headphones, was just chilling by the exit of the exclusive area posing for photos with people, just being a normal person. This whole trip has opened my eyes to the fact I need to start getting press credentials. Over the years I have made incredible access, climbing into sky boxes, pulling jedi mind tricks on ticket ushers, meticulously studying stadium layouts, hitting athletes up on myspace (#pause), climbing rails, driving around the country, you name it, I’ve probably done it. All while spending a fortune on it.

With press access my photos would be light years ahead of what they are now and I’m starting to realize that kind of quantum leap is attainable. No matter where my career as a Sports Lifestyle Photographer (a career I made up a few years ago) takes me, one thing is for certain, All Star Weekend in Orlando was a major turning point for me.

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I got a text from my friend Dr. A, who was driving down on a balls to the wall, leave Atlanta early Saturday morning and return in the pre dawn hours of Monday, trip. Fuck it I thought, why not. I bought a terrifyingly expensive ticket behind the East bench (I’m like those Japanese WW2 fighters that hid out on islands for 30 years after the war ended, to me the East Coast/West Coast beef is still brewing) and made arrangements to go.

The road from Atlanta to Orlando is a featureless, six hour (the way Dr. A drives) stretch of nothing that connects the Peach State to the Orange State.

Wow, free orange juice just for entering the state, that’s pretty cool. I wonder what other signs are around here…

You can just smell the Republican primaries in the air. #NonMiamiFlorida.

“Over 20,000 vasectomies” This sign is apolitical, yet no less terrifying.

The Wiggermobile.

A’m'ar’e isn’t an All Star this year, but don’t tell Orlando that.

Since we left early Saturday morning, we got to Amway Center around three, which was 5 hours before the game. I got a room in the same hotel as Dr. A, unfortunately you needed media credentials to ride the shuttle from the hotel back to Amway I didn’t want to have to do this to get back to the game, so I decided to kick it around the stadium for 5 hours.

You have to go through a metal detector to get into the team store? Did some new Jordans drop or something?

I actually did need a ticket. I had broken the bank with the purchase of my All Star Game ticket. I was left with little budget and had no ticket to All Star Saturday Night. Last year in Los Angeles I paid $500 for a Lower Level ticket to All Star Saturday. Considering the significant downgrade in venue and talent, I expected a steep discount this year.

I like when states don’t have motorcycle helmet laws. It’s a form of natural selection.

I floated between bars and pizza places for a while to charge my phone (iPhone batteries are shorter than Kevin Hart) and fill my stomach with beer. This pizza place offered sports bottles full of beer that you could walk around outside with. Score.

Occupy Orlando took up a position across from the Amway Center. What do they have against basketball?

Ok, this is a pretty salient point. I guess Rich is living up to his first name. Public funding of stadiums is always dicey.

I walked down the block and came back and they were all gone, either dispersed by the police or they just lost interest.

Apparently this guy didn’t hear about about YMCMB signing Limp Bizkit.

Adidas is all in, but is Dwight Howard? It’s kind of awkward that he requested a trade and has a wish list of teams to go to. If I were a Magic fan I would be pretty incensed by his actions this season. It’s sad now it’s almost automatic that when a star has one year left on his contract, he forces his way to a big market team.

It was hinted that this could be rectified in the new CBA, but this didn’t happen because the fans were the only group without a voice in the negotiations. Ironically, LeBron James, the arch villain of the NBA, was the last major star to play out his contract. The flip side is the Cavs got basically nothing when the King abdicated his throne.

I don’t think it takes the Sloan Conference to figure out that there should be some form of compensatory pick system to give teams a semblance of leverage in these situations. If Otis Smith and Rich Devos stick to their guns and keep Howard past the deadline they will be my heroes.

I’m 97% sure this is supposed to be Michael Jordan.

This is possibly LeBron James, sans his beard and with the letters LJB? These questions may never be resolved.

It looked like the vendors down the street had some good stuff going on. All the street food I have ever had in the state of Florida has been on point.

As Justin Pallack pointed out in his Super Bowl photo essay, three card monty is making a comeback outside big sporting events. There were no less than 5 guys trying to lure people into $100 games.

Move over Japan, the best sushi in the world is apparently in Orlando.

Black guys in Bentleys was a theme of the night. NBA All Star Weekend has been called the Black Woodstock and a Black Holiday (note to Andrew Ti: is this racist?), one thing is for sure is that Black power brokers from Lil Wayne to Jessie Jackson were out and about in Orlando this evening.

Tony Parker looks like he’s creeping up on a teammate’s wife in this photo.

I waited until a little after 8 o’clock to engage the scalpers. I made up my mind that I was going to get a lower level seat, I came this far, why stop now. I had monitored online second ticket markets for days and the prices weren’t dropping. I canvassed scalpers who all had realistic looking tickets. I settled on a club level seat for $200 off the face value. I figured the club would give me good access. #PeopleWhoDontHavePressCredentialsYetProblems

Why do they have a photo of Paul Bearer from the WWE here?

A peek into a suite.

My seat was at a table in a restaurant in the Club Level. It was a little awkward.

I didn’t stand for the Canadian National Anthem, no offense Canada.

A reality show contestant sang our National Anthem while strumming some form of banjo. This is not what Francis Scott Key envisioned.

The NBA: where you’re expected to buy a multi course dinner that doesn’t have a price on it on top of your $500 face value ticket happens.

At what point are we going to replace the Larry O’Brien trophy with Bill Russell?

Chris Brown reaches to slap a female fan. I booed him which got a rise out of my two tablemates (that I didn’t know). Kicking the hottest girl in the world’s ass isn’t a good way to ingratiate yourself to me, Chris. Though it doesn’t seem like she seemed to mind that much, look what she said to a follower who questioned their reunion:

This whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing is going to get worse before it gets better. There’s also the situation where a few days prior, Brown had stolen a female fan’s iPhone after yelling “Bitch, you ain’t going to put that on some website.” It’s weird the NBA would have a lightning rod like him be so prominently involved in the All Star Weekend (he was performing the next day).

I decided abandon my table and reunited with Docktor A for a minute to stroll the club scene. Had I remembered that the Shooting Stars Competition was first, I would have waited out the scalpers another half hour and got a real deal. On our walk we saw two thirds of Run TMC, Chris Mullin and Mitch Richmond, who pretended to not know each other at first.

Why is the steak and wedge named after the Hawks, a division rival? Why not name the fried chicken tenders after the Hawks and insinuate that its fried Hawk? If I ran a stadium it would be full of food related slights. Example: If I ran the Jets stadium they would serve mahi mahi Miami Dolphin burgers, Buffalo (the meat, not the sauce) cheesesteaks with red and blue ketchup with a jus made from Jim Kelly’s Superbowl tears and a chowder that comes in bowls that are designed to look like New Englanders heads. We would also have a drive where people could turn in pairs of Uggs in exchange for Jets merchandise before the New England home game (similar to Police Departments “Guns for Toys” program they run around Christmas). The Uggs would be rounded up and then burned in a symbolic display the parking lot before the game. Sorry about the side tangent.

I also met The Daily News’ NBA Reporter Frank Isola. It must be awesome to cover the NBA for a NY newspaper and not have to sell your soul to Rupert Murdoch like Keanu Reeves in “The Devils Advocate.”#NYPost

After ignoring the Shooting Stars Event, I walked into some media type section and watched the Skills Competition. Russell Westbrook was up first. I thought he would fare poorly in this event because it involved passing the ball and I assumed he would be disqualified after breezing straight by the passing stations and to the hoop.

I distinctly remember this event being more entertaining when watching it on TV.

Speaking of TV’s, all the seats in this section had a TV in front of them, check out all the channels it had. We really live in the future. (Ed. note: But doesn’t it take away from the whole live-sporting-event thing?)

Rare: A photo of Rajon Rondo smiling.

John Wall and Rajon Rondo tied to the tenth of a second for the last spot in the finals. Jinx! Rondo beat Wall in the tie breaker because he needed only one attempt to knock down the foul line jumper, how ironic.

Much to Brent Barry’s chagrin, Tony Parker was crowned the Skills Competition Champion.

I’ve never seen a lobster roll available at a sports event. Why it’s named after the Celtics is beyond me. I hold seafood to a higher standard than terrestrial meats and that precludes me from buying seafood at sporting events (keep your hands off my seafod Aramak).

After the Skills competition I clandestinely made my way into the media section and ran into Frank Isola again. He introduced me to his fellow writer Mitch Lawrence and we watched the 3 Point Shoot Out begin. It was awesome to get to chat with people so dialed in to the NY basketball scene, they couldn’t have been any nicer either.

I never thought we would see the day when there was a guy averaging 14 rebound per game participate in the 3 Point Shoot Out.

Anthony Morrow is one of the best shooters in the league. If you need any proof, look back to his 42 point, 8 for 11 from 3 point land outburst against the T’Wolves back on Februrary third. He payed homage to fallen Net Drazen Petrovic by wearing his Jersey, a move that won the heart of Eastern European basketball fans (not the easiest thing to do for a Black guy, ask Ty Lawson):

Unfortunately he didn’t make it past the first round, but he made a lot of fans internationally in a totally organic manner.

They brought out Craig Hodges to nominally compete. He was the winner of the last 3 Point Shoot Out in Orlando, 20 years prior.

Orlando’s own Ryan Anderson leads the league in 3 pointers made and had home court advantage yet still managed to somehow airball his first shot. He didn’t make it out of the first round.

During an intermission they had a mascot DJ dubstep on fake turn tables. This was the low light of the trip (so far).

The two Kevins (Durant and Love) tied in the final round, leading to a shoot out which Love won 17-14. Like I said before, seeing a 3 Point Champion who grabs 14 rebounds a game is a feat we probably will never see again.

Now it’s time for the Dunk Contest, an event that mesmerized me growing up. I fondly remember Brent Barry breaking the color barrier, Vince Carter setting the World on it’s ear (if Twitter was around when this happened it would have crashed the entire internet) and Andre Iguodala’s self-oop dunk off the back of the backboard that I am to this day still struggling to fathom.

I know it wasn’t all good memories: I also remember the wretched wheel from 2002, Gerald Green’s contest winning dunk over a small black box (50 seconds in) and everything Dwight Howard and Nate Robinson put us through. This was one of the weakest dunk competition fields ever. The contestants were uninspiring and everyone was bracing for the worst. The progress made by last year’s cast, comprised of freakishly athletic big men, has apparently was not capitalized on.

The dunk contest started with Kenny talking to @Diddy, asking him what his favorite basketball movie was. Diddy said “White Men Can’t Jump” and went on to say stuff that comes off as a bit racist before eventually doing a Tommy Smith style Black power fist.

16 Years after Brent Barry was afraid to take off his warm up coat and expose his “White Men Can Jump” tee shirt, Air Bud emerged from the tunnel rocking a “White Men Can’t Jump” themed get up. I kept waiting for Puffy to call him the “Cracker in the Armor” but it never happened, phew. Air Bud defended white people’s basketball honor by dunking over Diddy. I got the feeling we were in for a long night of props and scripted exchanges, sigh.

It looks like Puff was looking up his shorts.

The Chinese media was in full effect during the All Star Weekend.

Jeremy Evans (who apparently borrowed Scotty Pippen’s nose) was replacing the injured Iman Shumpert in the Dunk Contest. For his first dunk he had a camera mounted behind his ear to “show the crowd what I see”.

Evans did a painfully simple dunk which he followed up with pull ups on the rim that drew a groan from the crowd. Not a good start.

At the dunk contest they give you printed out numbers to grade the dunks but they only range from 8-10 (I think Mel Kiper and Todd McShay use the same system when grading drafts), but celebrities found funny ways to manipulate their score cards into lower scores. Here Andre Iguodala tucked the 1 around the back of his scoring card and held up just the 0. Brilliant.

Paul “You know he grew 2 inches over the summer, right?” George jumped over his 7’2 and another (shorter) teammate (who’s presence didn’t add anything to the dunk) on this dunk. “He pushed off like crazy” said Docktor A.

Mary J. Blige gave it a 9.

Derrick Williams jumped over a motorcycle, which is less impressive than someone jumping over a car. Why are we moving backwards?

Spike Lee turned his 9 upside down and gave it a 6.

Jeremy Evans elicited the best reaction of the night from the crowd by dunking 2 balls at once. Once again this is a regression from last year as Javale McGee dunked 3 balls at once in that contest.

Paul George, who had been soliciting dunk contest advice on Twitter yet ignored my plea for him to include Tim Tebow. The lights were turned down and a black light set up was arranged.  Paul wore an iridescent jersey and did a 360 degree windmill in the relative dark. I wish he would have pulled out the stops and had the announcer say “Before Paul does this dunk, everyone reach under your seat. There is an 1/8th of mushrooms…”

There was an intermission where a guy played a cello while beat boxing. I kept hoping someone would dunk on him.

Cedric Ceballos won the 1992 Dunk Contest in Orlando with a blind folded dunk. Air Bud came out in a Ceballos jersey, donned a blind fold and like Cedric 20 years before, he cheated. They even went as far as to have him badly miss the first dunk and then Bud counted his steps and made the second attempt. I started to think he could win, I even envisioned Spike Lee and Puff Daddy trying to cancel the rest of Black History Month in protest of this event.

To honor Karl “The Mail Man” Malone, Evans had comedian Kevin Hart stand under the rim with a mail bag and what looked to be a french legionnaire hat from the turn of the century. He then proceeded to dunk over him. Once again, another regression, 10 minutes ago Paul George jumped over a 7’2 guy, Kevin Hart is 5’2. I don’t care how funny he is, it’s a step down.

George did a dunk where he put a sticker of Larry Bird on the backboard. After the dunk he explained on the microphone “I just wanted to honor Larry Brown….er..Larry Bird”. How was my idea of Tebow throwing him an oop from the crowd (possibly with a football?) not way better than this? People really need to start listening to my Twitter.

The contest ended with Derrick Williams wasting two minutes of everyone’s life by attempting a dunk he would never complete. (No Photo Provided)

Everyone headed for the exit before the Dunk Contest winner was even announced. Indifference ruled.

On the way out I saw Matthew Berry, head of ESPN’s Fantasy Dept and host of the award winning podcast Fantasy Football Focus. He was super cool.

Comedian JB Smooth. I don’t watch Curb so this probably meant less to me than to most people.

Philly’s slugger Ryan Howard.

Nice fanny pack. I’m not even being sarcastic, I wear one from time to time because I easily lose shit.

I asked Nick Anderson if I could take a photo of him and he replied “Only if you’re in it”. Nice guy. Everyone I met here tonight has been nice.

ESPN’s David Aldridge.

I  boarded the media shuttle back to the hotel (no need to ride on the exterior thankfully). It had been a long day. I’d been up roughly 20 hours and I was acutely aware that the day that just passed paled in comparison to what was next: The All Star Game.

Part 2: All Star Sunday

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Making the Pilgrimage with me was Fantasy Basketball writer Docktor A of Rotoworld.com fame. The good Docktor is a resident of the Northern Georgia town of Dahlonega (site of America’s first gold rush, eat your heart out San Francisco 49ers) so we met up 60 miles north of Atlanta at truck stop and spent the three hour drive (Tommy thanks for letting me borrow your car!) exchanging sports war stories.

Signs of the South.

Charlotte’s downtown wasn’t big, but I must say I was impressed at how modern the few sky scrapers looked.

Time Warner Arena, aka The Big Cable Box. I don’t know how many cable boxes I have seen with a partial brick facade, but it does seem pretty futuristic on the outside and I love the smack downtown location.

I would have loved to walk around and get more exterior shots of the building, but it was colder than Bill Belichick’s heart outside, so we opted to kill the extra hour we had tailgating inside the car with some Bud Tall Boys (with the keys in the back seat like responsible people!).

Docktor A in the mouth of the beast.

Some unsurprisingly unsold Matt Carroll tees.

“Looks like the T’Wolves logo” observed Docktor A.

The Bobcats team store was little more than a front for Jordan Brand gear. The entire arena was covered in Jump Men.

If you’re a real Bobcats fan, you’ve probably got to do some drinking.

This is the kind of art work that is around your arena when your owner dresses like this.

Those are some healthy snacks, or something (I have know idea, I know as much about health food as Randy Whitman knows about being sensitive).

Still with time to kill, the good Dr and I went to go check out the Rock the Rooftop and the Rufus (my nickname!) Room.

These were good things?

Ok, that panel looks like it should be on a pair of MJ’s jeans. I was feeling the exposed cement though, it’s usually a feature reserved for football stadiums.

A blimp waits in the rafters.

If you’re a stadium and you want to get in my good graces, have a bar with enormous bottles of Budweiser that bracket a big screen TV with Twitter on it.

Replace “first” with “worst”. I’m sure even Napolean didn’t have this many portraits of himself around his palace.

I’ve never had Bojangles, but I hear it’s good. You have to appreciate when stadiums have name brand items instead of just pawning Aramak crap off on us.

The Oblivicam: Where they put someone who is not playing attention on the jumbotron and time how long it takes them to notice. That is brilliant.

The symbol of MJ’s totaltarian dictatorship.

This is the entrance to our Club Level section, it looks like the entrance of a spa.

As we entered our section we made an immediate left and walked up the stairs to the “Founders Level”. We figured the worst that could happen was we would be told that we made a wrong turn. At the top of the stairs the man who checks tickets said “What are y’all here for, the restaurant?”. I love when people include the answer they want to hear in the question they ask me. “Yea, the restaurant” I said and like that we were granted access.

The restaurant looked pretty swanky, so I decided so slip under the rope and get a better look.

The food looked and smelled exceptional, especially the carving stations. I contemplated picking up a plate from one of the empty tables, joining in and dealing with the consequences should they arise. I opted against it, not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my esteemed guest.

Why yes there’s a chainsaw painted on the stairs. It looks like a random Kreayshawn tattoo.

I probably should have mentioned, it was also 70′s night, this contest would be between the Carolina Cougars and the Los Angeles Star. Kevin Brawley played the National Anthem Jimi Hendrix in Woodstock style. Technically Hendrix dropped his version in 1969 invalidating it for 70′s Night, but I’m not going to split hairs. Playing “Stayin Alive” as the National Anthem would be sacrilegious anyway.

For some reason this confused and amused (copyright Clyde Frazier) the Bobcats coaching staff. Maybe they were just thinking about something they saw MJ wearing earlier. Also why does the guy on the left look like one of those guys who works on airport runways, what is he wearing?

The LA Stars uniform included some kind of cardigan. Weird but kind of cool.

A Discoball, they really went all out on this 70′s Night.

Vinny Del Negro, better known as the achillies heel of the Clippers LA Stars.

The Bobcats Congolese rookie, Bismack Biyombo has flashed plenty of promise as a shot blocker, will he be able to stand up to Lob City?

Sorry, that was my only attempt to make the Bobcats seem exciting, I won’t do it again, promise.

It didn’t take long from Lob City protector Deandre Jordan to erase a shot.

And then misses a posterization of Biyombo on the other side.

More Deandre, what a freak.

Another stadium that sells lottery tickets. I know scratch offs are (generally) for foolish people who are looking for a quick solution to their problems. Fuck it I thought, I never buy them, I may as well give it a whirl. They advertise that the proceeds from these go to Education in North Carolina. I actually turned $5 into $6 over these 3 tickets. “So did I just take money away from North Carolina’s educational system?” I asked. The guy tersely said no.

This “Meatball Mania” seemed interesting, three different kinds of meatballs on a stick. I like meatballs a lot, but I was scarred by some bad ones at Philips Arena a few weeks ago, plus I don’t like ginger, so I passed on these. I guess I didn’t have the balls to get them.

I got the steak tacos at a mexican place in the Club section. Being in the Club section I assumed they would beheld to a higher standard than what was for sale elsewhere (how else could they justify charging you that extra money for Club?). These steak tacos still exceeded my slightly raised expectations for them.

Docktor A went with the Super Cheesy Bacon Fries. I asked him how they were and he replied with a super unenthusiastic “they’re ok”.

During a timeout they had retired Panther Chris Draft on the Jumbotron and spoke of how he lost his wife earlier this year to lung cancer earlier after only a month of marriage. She was a 38 year old non smoker. It shows how stupid and short sighted people like me are who inhale smoke on purpose are. What a tragic tale.

Cheerleaders came out and handed out Bojangles chicken boxes to people at random during a timeout. The season opener in DC was as the first time I have witnessed cheerleaders bringing out food like this (there it was Chipotles. mmmmm, Chipotles), it’s a tradition that I hope continues on until the end of sports.

Kenyon Martin is the first NBA player to return from playing(trapped) in China this year, signing with the Clippers LA Stars just last week. JR Smith is next on deck, with his team having been eliminated from the Chinese playoffs last week. This is probably a great thing for US/China relations, because JR’s sister has been choking and fighting with Chinese people at his games. As she explains on twitter (@LuvMeLongTyim , no, really): “How bout 2day these Chinese ppl gone learn bout fuckin with us!!!”. I’m assuming when we finally airlift the Smith’s out of there it’s going to look something like this.

Speaking of JR, Bethlehem Shoals was kind enough to use one of my photos of Smith in his article about him on Friday on The Classical. Score one for the good guys.

Docktor A worked feverishly on his blackberry. A twenty year veteran of fantasy basketbal, His job is watching all the NBA games every night and making fantasy basketball related observations on Twitter in real time and answering questions from followers. Then he stays up the rest of the night, organizing the those thoughts into a coherent column for RotoWorld.com, which which runs in the morning, at which point he goes to sleep and repeats. That’s probably the coolest job I have ever heard of. If you play fantasy basketball and aren’t in any league with me, or even just want to know literally everything in going on in the NBA to the second, the man is a must follow/read.

In lieu of a T-shirt cannon (or T shirt gattling gun like in OKC), the Bobcats sent a guy on pogo sticks with a lacrosse stick to throw tee shirts deep into the upper sections. I’m pretty sure Blake Griffin could still outjump him. The girls were throwing the tee shirts into the crowd with the same velocity that Peyton Manning is currently putting on balls (sorry Docktor A!).

Blake with the hook.

Blake is know as a very poor free throw shooter (53.7% on the year, yuck), but miraculously he has gone 22 of 27 in his last 4 games (this one included). Possibly related: this is the first week I benched him to protect my free throw % in fantasy basketball.

Not to be forgotten: Chris Paul, a legitimate MVP candidate in his first year in Lob City.

At halftime there were some groovey 70′s performances and Rufus the Cat, the Bobcats mascot (I think, it’s too unimportant to wiki. #Bobcats) was wearing some brown 70s pants (wearing them 70s high too), a cheesy purple rayon button up, a soul train hat and sunglasses inside at night. I’m going to assume he was high on coccaine, just to complete the look. It was like a live action scene from “Fritz the Cat”.

Wow, they had a donut robot. That is legit, The Big Cablebox deserves recognition for this. I didn’t actually try them though, I’m just not really into sweets, just meat and beer. #BarbarianLifestyle

As Docktor A and I returned from a halftime stroll, the woman guarding the entrance to the level below us had changed and I intended to test her replacement right off the bat. I casually walked by her and went straight to the aisle seat in row K, I had been watching open seats below us during the first half, I knew it was open.

I identified CP4, Chris Paul’s son. I remembered him from his adorable cameo on NBA TV during the playoffs last season. Hopefully this photo joins my “Before they were Stars” portfolio along with long haired, hippie Aaron Rodgers and the last few milliseconds of a Tebow that had never scored and NFL touchdown. Never doubt my sports papparazzi eye.

Blake soars for a board.

Blake has also been on a blocks tear. Here I captured him capturing Reggie Williams shot.

Blake almost hurls the ball through the hoop like Zues would hurl a lightening bolt down from Mount Olympus. I missed out how this play actually ended. Since I watch all these plays through my camera’s viewfinder, when I press the button to shoot, the viewfinder goes dark and I don’t get to see what happened. #SportsPhotographerProblems

Blake with another hook. The fear was that the Clippers would beat the lowly Bobcats so bad that they could rest Blake and then the crowd paid premium prices to watch Kenyon Martin play his way into post China shape. It wasn’t shaping up that way because Blake was getting a lot of burn.

Blake.

Black chest checking Kemba Walker, no foul called. For all of Blakes considerable gifts, I have to give him credit for seemingly choosing the Light Side of the Force. He’s not mean, he’s not trying to hurt people, people hack him and he will walk back to the line without eye fucking them. It’s kind of the opposite with Ndamukang Suh who spends his Sundays trying to crack quarterbacks like some steamed crabs after the whistle and then feigns ignorance to what happened while being defiant at press conferences. Stay cool Blake, we have enough super villains in the NBA right now.

Deandre throws down a monster Lob from Chris Paul. Up to this point the crowd has been almost supernaturally dead. It was so quiet you could hear individual conversations, people talking about colleges, home loans, anything but basketball. They were all Bobcats fans though. I had expected it to be similar to my experience at the Bulls @ Nets game the other night: super popular team comes to town against floundering team, all the bandwagon Bulls/Clips fans come out of the woodwork, but that was far from the case.

Just because they were quiet doesn’t mean they were bad fans, the problem was they literally have nothing to cheer for. This Lob was snapped the crowd back into a basketball state of mind.

Blake was constantly talking up the officials, a savvy move by a blooming mega star.

Blake with yet another hook, when did he add this dimension to his game?

Deandre Jordan is really blowing up this year. Boston haters everywhere are overjoyed that the Celtics elected to take JR Giddens over him in the 2008 draft.

This dunk by Blake electrified the crowd like a tazer blast from Charlamane tha God’s Father. It’s literally what everyone came to see, especially Bobcats fans who will see decent basketball walk out the door when the Clippers leave the Arena this night.

My how the ugly have fallen: last time I was at a game that Byron Mullens was in, he dropped a career high 21 points and it looked like he had finally validated his status as a first round pick. Since then he has fallen on hard times since defenses finally watched a tape of him and learned to defend his jumper. Here he is going back to a well that is dryer than Gucci Mane’s lips (I really didn’t want to diss the Guc but I was struggling to think of something dry).

I hadn’t been paying attention to the score much and I did a double take when I finally did look at the scoreboard.

Blake joking around with teammates. If you came for some Bobcats player photos, you came to the wrong website buddy.

Kenyon Martin explains the finer points of coaching to Vinny.

Blake performs a fly by on Tyrus Thomas.

The ref’s rehydrated during a timeout. Contrary to popular opinion, refs are people too.

Blake’s day ended with a monster, Dominique-esque windmill jam.

I sign of the times. #TwitterRules #MostImportantInventionInAWhile

Deandre Dancing to “Stayin Alive”

A bunch of kids were allowed to lineup to to try to get a hand shake or autograph out of Blake on his way to the lockerroom Naturally I waded through the children to stake out a good spot vantage point to shoot Blake from.

Kids started pointing at this kid and yelling “hey it’s Blake!”. After the game as I was cycling through the photos on my camera’s viewfinder and Docktor A got a glimpse and said “you got that close to Blake?”.

Have you ever seen anyone as enthusiastic to get a high five from Brian Cook? Me Neither.

Blake.

There’s someone nobody wanted to high five. #VinnyDelNegroProblems

Naturally, Corey Meggette was crowned “Player of the Game”. Who didn’t see that coming?

Docktor A and I headed back to the team store/Joran brand merchanise epicenter in a futuile attempt for me to try to spend the $10 credit that still remained on my ticket.

These (horrific looking) shoes were for sale for $223. “They come with all this stuff though” said an employee when asked about the price, pointing to the slipper and 2 extra sets of insoles.

Dr. A asked him f he had ever seen Jordan in the store before. He said he hadn’t but had a friend who worked in a different part of the stadium that had an experience with him. She had told him that a fruit basket was left in a VIP room and went bad, the whole staff from that area was called in a personally lectured by MJ himself. Sounds about right.

After I purchased a pasrtial glow in the dark Bobcats basketball, we tried to go back up the stairs into the arena but were greeted by this figurative metaphor for the lockout.

As we were walking out the normal exit, we ran into Clippers assistant coach (and ex Grizzlies head coach) Mark Iavaroni. After this photo he walked out the front door and just started walking down the street, no jacket on (it was very cold), just with his briefcase. “That’s really weird, I wonder where he’s going” said Dr. A “maybe he was just fired” I replied.

After a chilly sprint to our car, we were off, heading south and leaving Charlotte in our wake. Blake didn’t disappoint us (well maybe a little, I was hoping to get a photo of him stuffing Tyrus Thomas through a rim). The Big Cable Box was a great stadium, I loved the futuristic setting, the innovative ideas by the stadium operators to keep it fun (the Oblivicam and having the game ball be passed fan to fan, from the nosebleeds to the court), the rooftop lounge, it all was great. The only thing that was lacking was a decent hometown basketball team. It’s not like the cupbard was full when MJ took over, but he’s done a great job trading away all their talented and fun players (Crash Wallace anyone?) and replacing  them with soul suckingly bad player like Kwame Brown (why would MJ OF ALL PEOPLE sign him?!?!) and Desagna Diop. I don’t know how the fans put up with it, especially considering they have ther strong sports options in the area (it’s he college basketball Mecca + NASCAR). At least for one night they got a reprieve from crappy basketball and got a chance to see the Blake Show.

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I was at a bar watching the Knicks underachieve when my phone rang.  It was Hank, my step father, and he said “Do you wanna go?”

“Go where?”

“To the Super Bowl.”

Please understand, I’m not usually the type of guy that gets phone calls like that but I also never pass up once in a lifetime opportunities either.  So I accepted and headed out to Indianapolis to see my hometown New York Giants do battle against the New England Patriots for some championship jewelry.  Now, thanks to the power of the interweb and the good people at Lolasportstalk.com you can experience my journey too.

 Indianapolis was a nice city.  It was clean, the people were friendly and it was surprisingly modern.   The Super Bowl brought more than a hundred thousand people to town and outside of the shortage of hotel rooms they seemed to handle it smoothly.  We were told that some locals were renting there homes out for two thousand dollars for the weekend.  Some hotels that sell rooms for 99 dollars a night were charging 6 or 7 hundred dollars with 4 day minimums.  We stayed at the Thompson hotel in Chicago and made the 3 hour drive to Indy in the morning (Editors note: Smart).

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Indianapolis also may be the smallest “city” I have ever been to.  There are maybe 5 tall buildings and the “suburbs” are kind of right there in downtown.

There were all types of things to do on Superbowl sunday, one of the most popular things was the zipline they installed that ran over the Super Bowl village in town.  Apparently it was so popular that tickets to ride sold out faster than Jose Reyes did as a free agent. (I hope that doesn’t sound too bitter.)

The girl on the left is the Indy 500 Festival Queen.  Whatever that is.  Other insignificant celebrities were spotted as well, including “DJ” Pauly D from the Jersey Shore.  I purposely didn’t snap a photo of him.

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Like I said I didn’t take any photo’s of “Dj” Pauly D, but I did snap a few shots of Snookie, also from the Jersey Shore.  Take a look.

In the center of the Super Bowl village was a live taping of NFL Countdown

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 This next shot was taken mere moments after Chris Carter was snubbed for Hall Of  Fame consideration

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 The many faces of Chris Berman

Now lets get Coach Ditka in on the action.

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 Tom Jackson

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And just in case you were curious, even the pro’s get a little help from time to time.

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So all this action had us getting hungry and on a tip from “Roof”, our beloved editor here at Lolasportstalk.com, we checked out Shapiro’s deli, which he said serves the best Reuben in North America.  He wasn’t wrong.  If you ever find yourself in the greater Indianapolis area this is a must.

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Now, after lunch things started to get a little weird.  For starters, the hustlers showed up.  There were dozens of entrepreneurial men and their cohorts running 3 card monte and shell game scams.  They were praying on rube’s and were charging $100 dollars a hand, the only people who were winning were those who looked like they could’ve been the hustlers roomates.  Several times I was warned “politely” not to photograph this very “legal” and “not at all rigged” game.

Then there were the religious Super Bowl enthusiasts, although none of them mentioned football at all.  The different religious groups we encountered touched at both ends of the spectrum.

This first group was mostly young people, of various ethnic backgrounds and they were a mix of boys and girls.  They appeared happy and overtly optimistic. It was a bit cult-like Their message however was vague and so is their website.

(editor’s note: Peep St Elmo’s Steakhouse in the background, best cocktail sauce known to man.)

This next group of religious wingnuts was the extreme polar opposite of the first.  They were all older, angry, white men that forced their extreme positions on whomever they could reach with their bullhorns.  These pious hatemongers could be found at nearly every intersection in the city.  A lot of the more open minded sports enthusiasts had a bit of fun debating with these men, but I’ve always been told not to argue with fools.

Oh, you don’t want to be photographed?  Then don’t wear a sign at the Super Bowl that references sorcery.

So, as it often goes, you can’t speak of religion without politics being soon mentioned.  Then right on cue the occupiers showed up.

Apparently they were there to protest the NFL’s “right to work” policies.

And it would seem that the occupiers of the mid-west are getting more organized as evidenced by this billboard I saw later that weekend.

As we all well know, wherever there are occupiers, you can find a police force nearby ready to mobilize.  If you don’t believe me see this video I took down at Zuccotti Park at 2AM a few months back.

I’m sure you’ll allow me one bad football inspired pun.

“Hey look its the Indianapolis Colts”       Sorry.

The only arrest I saw in Indy was of this poor girl who begged and pleaded not to be cuffed after the game (Btw, there was a football game played, I’m getting to that)

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I should mention that I don’t know much about police procedure in Indianapolis, but instead of arresting drunk girls maybe they should have been questioning this armed political activist.

This photo, to me, suggests something about the duality of man.  On the one hand you have politically engaged people holding a sign that has highlighted the word love, yet he has an instrument of death attached to his hip.  Go figure..

So while we encountered a bit of hatred in Indianapolis and it was saddening, there is always one bit of hate I can support.

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Yet, as we already know love conquers all and the people of Indy love their Mannings.  Either Manning.

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I snapped this next shot of this couple from behind for obvious reasons.  What you can’t see however is the front of her shirt which said something like..

Flight to Indy….$150

Dinner in Indy….$200

Super Bowl Tickets….$2000

This Ass….Priceless

You’ll just have to believe me as she wouldn’t allow me to photograph it (the shirt).

And so it was finally time to go into the stadium

That is A LOT of people!

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Do you guys like girls?  Yeah me too.

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Hey look I’m on TV!!

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Prayer seemed to be an important thing to a lot of the Giants players.  Hey, Tim Tebow, eat your heart out.

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Tom Brady opted to practice not throwing to Gostkowski.

God Bless America

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Whoa whoa whoa, I’m taking the pictures here thank you very much.

Aaaaaaaaaaand were off..

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After going up 2 to nothing on a forced safety on the patriots first drive the Giants march downfield.

Touchdown!! Giants 9 Patriots 0

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The Brady Bunch had a few tricks up there sleeve too and go into halftime up 10-9

It was remarkable how efficiently they were able to transition from sporting event to concert in a quick and seamless fashion.  I come from a career in audio and have been involved in concert and live performances many times.  But due the sheer scope of this event its worth mentioning how both the visuals and sound quality were flawless and I tip my cap to the crew.

The material girl, Madonna.

 That nickname has become even more relevant when you consider the length of her career.

 From wikipedia “The albums discography of American singer-songwriter Madonna consists of twelve studio albums, six compilation albums, threesoundtrack albums, three live albums, ten extended plays, three remix albums and nineteen box sets.”

Material indeed

I’m pretty sure she was lip synching.  Which is fine by me because it sounded good.

Both Tom Petty and The Who have headlined recent Super Bowl halftime shows.  I couldn’t help but wish that some legendary rockers would have played this superbowl too.  I had to settle for party rockers LMFAO. (Editor’s note: Oh no!)

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Like a virgin?  Naahhhhhhh

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Pop tart Nikki Minaj and Sri Lankian oddball M.I.A join in on the fun.  M.I.A would later outrage America by raising her middle finger at a television camera.  Proving once again that America is too easy to outrage.

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Former Goodie Mob member Cee Lo Green performs with Madonna

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~-=_(<(<*@*WHoa tHe CoLOrs*@*>)>)_=-~

Sorry I’m prone to flashbacks.

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Anyway, when we arrived in the stadium, on every seat was a collectible seat cushion and in the cushion was a little flashlight.  They asked the crowd to all point the flashlights at the end of her performance, resulting in this effect.

And with that, halftime was over.

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Eli and the Giants had to dig deep and try to march down field

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Another tight end get hurt for the Giants.  Earlier in the game a giants tight end was forced to leave the game with injury.

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Here is the number to dial to snitch on your fellow man with anonymity.  It is worth noting that Super Bowl tickets are very expensive and with that you don’t find too many of the “bleacher creature” type fans in attendance.  To my eye, there wasn’t very much unruly behavior at all to report on.

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So this kind of moment here is why you follow sports.  Super Bowl. 4th quarter.  Your team down by two. Final minutes.  Chance to score.  Strategy and time management decisions to make.  Emotions running high.  Everything at stake.  History being written.

THIS WAS HUGE!

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Can they get in the endzone?  Should they kick?

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Two weeks prior to this night, the Patriots won and got into the Suber Bowl because Baltimore Ravens Kicker Billy Cundiff missed a 32 yard field goal.  Would Lawrence Tynes of the Giants have an opportunity to win….or lose for the Giants too?

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No, he would not.  Because this man #44 Ahmad Bradshaw fell across the goal line to score a touchdown to put the Giants ahead for good.

Hey Ahmad, I would have kept that ball also.

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The Pats had one last chance to drive downfield and win the game with a touchdown.

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But that would not happen.  After a dropped pass by Wes Welker and a failed hail mary pass by Tom Brady, the GIANTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!!   NEW YORK ARE CHAMPIONS!!!

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Enjoy the thrill of victory.

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Tom Coughlin hands the Lombardi Trophy to Eli Manning for the 2nd time in their careers.

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Also for the 2nd time in his career Eli was awarded the honor of Super Bowl MVP (Editor’s note: Which I bet money on!).

Feelin’ like Champions

What a game.  What a Day.  What a stadium.

What an interesting city this was.  This tiny little oasis which is seemingly out in the middle of nowhere just hosted the biggest sporting event in the world and handled it without a hitch.

I’m so glad my team won and took home the championship.  If they had lost it would have been a long 3 hour drive back to the hotel in Chicago.

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But the nice thing about driving through Indiana is that there are plenty of places like this to pull over into along the way if things got bad enough.

-Justin Pallack

This past week I made a foray up to New York. Being a Nets fan, along with not having the six figures necessary to purchase a Knicks ticket, I crossed the Hudson River to catch the League leading Bulls take on the Nets in their temporary shelter. I made the pilgrimage with two of my best friends (and parters in LolaNewYork.com) and my college roommate from a decade ago.

We parked a few block away from the Prudential Center, under a filthy overpass. I don’ think this parking lot will be making the Newark tourism brochure anytime soon. We sat in my ex-roommate’s (Marv) van and sipped some pregame E&J.

The only times in my life I’ve been near the Prudential Center have been when I was riding a Grey Hound bus from some point South to New York, Newark is one of the last stops. If you are already familiar with what areas around Grey Hound stations are like, you know that it’s not some where you want to hang out, but I always marveled at this partially glass, big screen TV endowed building in the middle of downtown. Granted it was the middle of a downtown I had hoped to avoid for the duration of my life, I was still impressed and curious.

We entered through a very tall glass atrium that was bathed in red right. It felt like somewhere Rihanna would pray to the devil (JK, kind of).

Upon entrance, I was amazed by how bright and open the whole arena was. I can only imagine what its like to be here in the daytime, with sun ricochetting off the white surfaces. It reminds me of the House of Cuban in Dallas. It also reminds me how clostrophobic some other stadiums are (The Teracotta Urn in OKC comes to mind). Bravo Newark.

People forget Doctor J was a Net back when they used to play in Long Island. I was raised between Long Island and Fort Greene Brooklyn (five blocks from the Nets new Arena), so for obvious reasons this team is close to my heart. It doesn’t hurt that the Knicks Evil owner James Dolan blocked the Jets West Side Stadium (would have been great for Jets fans and Manhattians) and continues to torture his fan base by employing Isiah Thomas and LaLa Vasquez Anthony as co-Gms.

The Beer selection. O’Doul’s is available all game! All the 24 oz beers were $13, which was a good or bad deal depending on if you were buying foreign or domestic. I’m used to 23 oz Buwdeiser cans for $9 at Philips Arena in Atlanta, but then again my last ticket at Philips cost literally 4x less than the ticket from this game.

The Bud Light Goal Bar, the only one you could go to without Club Access.

Stromboli’s at a sports game: Its a Jersey thing.

Wait, isn’t there a game going on? Oh, yea. By the time I reached my seat the game was essentially over. I love how the scoreboard says “Bank of the Devils”, sounds like they’re describing Bain Capital.

Decent seats for $32 a piece considering the Bulls lead the league in wins. Compared to the Knicks, where the average ticket price for the Knicks/Lakers game was $312, this was a steal. I followed my usual routine: buy the cheapest available Lower Level seat that is near the player entrance of whichever team you are more interested in. Then you have access to the section and can then (almost always) move up in the section.

Oh and of course the crowd was comprised almost exclusively of Bulls fans, there were more people wearing red than in Bird Man’s entourage. Speaking of Bird Man, is he the worst gambler ever? He has publicly dropped large sums on the Miami Heat and New England Patriots ($5,000,000 !) to win their respective championships. Don’t be surprised if his bookie ends up on the Forbes list one of these years. he really is Mush from A Bronx Tale. “I dont want his money touching my money!”.

Derrick Rose was questionable for the game with a balky back. He was playing when I arrived, but soon went to the bench, never to re-enter.

Some big stars come out for the game in Newark.

Growing up a Jets fan, I know all too well what it’s like when your team is just crashing at another team’s stadium. I can identify the passive aggressive signs that a home team leaves to make you feel awkward. Prudential Center is littered with them, they make little effort to replace Devils logos with Nets stuff. Earlier in the year I was at the Verizon Center and all the Caps stuff was switched to Wizards. I’m surprised the Devils even put the ice away.

The Giants fan in the club bar has this Jets fan Green with envy.

Get your very own customized Nets jersey for $85. Under normal circumstances I’d have bought a LolaSportsTalk one faster than Rob Gronkowski can put a gut wrenching game (and ankle injury) behind him, but since the jerseys are changing, it would be a waste.

Look how long the sushi line is compared the the generic sports food line.

Beers of Newark? Judging from Newark’s reputation I would assume they sell Ballantine, Steel Reserve, Red Dog, St Ides and Hurricanes. You can get a shot of rubbing alcohol in the beer for an extra $2.50. Remember, I’m just speculating here.

A cigar bar at the game. Haven’t seen that yet. I asked if it was related to the one owned by the Nets new announcer, The “Battlefield Earth” looking guy who is single handedly gentrifying Fort Greene (I didn’t ask that verbatim). Turns out it wasn’t.

I checked the score on some kind of giant fake iPhone on the wall. Nets down 30. (French Montana Voice) “Damn”.

While I was in the bathroom I relayed the news to my friend that Rose wasn’t going back in the game. This started a conversation between me and an African guy with a heavy British accent who identified himself as Luol Deng’s cousin. I would have taken a pic but that’s a little awkward in the bathroom.

I appreciate that they had actual Jewish people manning the Kosher station, unlike MetLife. I was going to try to write more about how awesome it was but then it sounds like workplace discrimination, so I’m going to just slowly back away.

In the last few months, strangers have been coming up to me in the street and asking me if I am the guy from LMFAO or informing me that I look like him. Prior to that I had no idea who they were. I’m pretty sure this guy looks more like the LMFAO guy than me, I wish I could hire him to go around with me as a lightening rod of sorts, absorbing those inquiries from strangers while I can continue on with my day unmolested.

There won’t be a 36th year. How do they expect proud New Jersians to grin and bear it?

“Remember that skull shirt Juicy J wore in a video like 5 years ago? yea well I’m going to wear it to the game”

The Turkish version of The Jersey Shore was sitting next to us, they would go crazy every time Omer Asik did anything. This area of New Jersey is known for being a melting pot of immigrants (still a PC word?) from around the World. Overall I have never seen a more multi-ethnic crowd at a sporting event, the one thing that they all had in common was that they were Bulls fans.

I began my clandestine descent into the lower realms of my section. Surprisingly there were no ushers at the bottom.

I may be in the midst of really enjoying the Prudential Center, but I know one person in attendance tonight isn’t: Nets point guard Deron Williams. His grumpiness on the subject can be viewed here. As stated in previous photo essays, we all know that massive changes that are coming this off season: Prokorov being poisoned/imprisoned/winning the Presidency of Russia (and Jay Z inheriting the team?!), the move to Brooklyn, Deron’s move to Dallas, bad free agent signing by Billy King, (hopefully not) the jettisoning of Brook Lopez (for more cap space to spend on bad free agents). Why does Deron have to be such a grump on top of it?

I never noticed the moving cameras atop the shot clocks. You never really stop to think about how far the technologies used to record the game have come. Sometimes I start to wonder if we get a little too close. Let’s look at Mic’d up for instance: When Tim Tebow was mic’d up, it was good, (very) clean fun (“nice play Brian”). Now after the Super Bowl, the Mic’d up tapes were reviewed and people are hyper criticizing everyone involved from players to coaches to refs. Give these guys a little private space to operate under those intense circumstances. Imagine if Skip Bayless or Stephen A Smith got their hands on those tapes?

It just happened to be Kris Humphries Birthday!

Hey it’s me on the jumbotron. It’s the first time I can remember since my friend James and I flipped off the crowd at the Meadowlands on August 11th 2001, Michael Vick’s second preseason game ever.

Even though his team was up insurmountably, Tom Thibideaux was still laying into people. It was also weird to see his bald spot in person. He’s has the second most mesmerizing bald spot on HD, behind only Manu Ginobili. Ton should ask Carlos Boozer where he got his Wayne Rooney treatment done.

A few miles away the Knicks were playing and members of the Giants, who had won the Super Bowl the day before, were in attendance, basking in their new found glory. At the Nets game, played in the same state where the Giants work and live, there wasn’t a Giant to be found. I kept hoping that there would be a guy up on the jumbotron and under him it said “Giants equipment manager”. This second class citizen shit is real.

Amid cheers of “M-V-P”, Brian Scalabrine entered the game.

One more reminder: know where player exits are.

As we strode out of the building, a middle aged black woman mocked my friend for wearing a Nets hats. Such is the strange limbo that the Nets hang in. They’ve alienated their New Jersey fan base with their desperate attempts to escape the state. Their Brooklyn roots have yet to be planted (aside from some well placed plants in Jay Z and the White Predator Announcer). As a fan my true emotions are still in suspended animation, awaiting a future that is unknown to all except Billy King (which is terrifying).

What’s lost in this limbo is that the Nets play in a very nice stadium and that the city of Newark deserves applause for making such an effort to host a team and improve their city despite the tough economy. And also despite Deron Williams being such a grump.

As far as the Net’s new stadium, their first game there will serve as the launching point for Lola Sports Talk’s Limo Tour, where we’re going to ride in a Lola Sports Talk Limo around the country, going to games and taking pics. Be on the lookout for it end of October.

**Bonus**

Yankee Stadium, as seen from a flight out of LaGuardia.

A shot at Manhattan from the top going down. It’s strange how you never think of the island like this. Unless you are Dominican of course.

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The Recession Special begins with a cheap, 100 level ticket.

Being the strategic ticket shopper/sports paparazzi crazy person that I am, you will notice I got  a seat by the Hawks player entrance. This is essentially buying a raffle ticket for the sweat drenched headbands Josh Smith throws to fans on his way to the locker room every game.

The price of the ticket was deflated because of the opponent (the Bobcats) and the hometown (Atlanta), so I bought the cheapest 100 level seats possible, knowing that there would be a plethora of empty seats available that I can move up into. It’s like buying the smallest house in a really nice neighborhood.

I’m like the Sebastian Pruiti of breaking down how to get great tickets cheap, frame by frame.

Parking directly under Philips is $10 (cheap for sports venues) and you can even park curbside outside the club section for $30. I selected option C and parked a half mile away FOR FREE in the neighborhood of CastleBerry Hills. The neighborhood overlooks train yards that you may recognize from AMC’s The Walking Dead (specifically when they went to rescue the handcuffed redneck on the roof). The bridge across the tracks has been the scene of many a roman candle duel between my late, great friend Low and myself.

After spending $26.46 on the actual tickets, we still had $13.54 to play with. We spent $7 on four pieces of fried chicken and some mac salad. I’m fortunate enough to be friends with the 2009 Nashville Hot Chicken Champion and I had some hot chicken sauce in my fridge, so I was able to spruce up my meal. Other meals available on this budget are Wendy’s dollar menu and just buying some chicken thighs at the supermarket and baking them (the healthiest route).

At the Jets/Giants game (debacle) a few weeks ago, I snagged a large amount of these “Green it” towels they were giving away. The Jets performance in the game so so pathetic that I have been using the towels around the house, to clean things, as a dishrag, wash cloth, or in this case, a napkin. Can you tell I’m still bitter?

With the remainder of our $20 a piece budget we bought Eight 8 ounce Budweisers to drink on the walk and two tiny bottles of gin to smuggle in. I’m pretty sure I could have made the beer money stretch further but I didn’t want to buy anything that ended in “Ice” or “High Gravity”.

Side tangent alert: How come beer and cigarettes are the only things you can buy where you can “supersize” for the same or even less money? Like if you go to McDonalds and order a number 3 and then ask to get it supersized, the price goes up 50 cents (I’m really out of touch with McDonalds pricing). If you go to the cigarette store, the 100′s, the longer version of the regular cigarette, costs the same as the regular one. If you go to the beer store, Bud Ice, which has MORE alcohol in it than regular Budweiser, costs LESS than regular Budweiser? How does that make sense?

Unfortunately for me and my friend D, Indian Summer had finally run out. Icy winds whipped across my face, bringing with them flashbacks of winters along the Hudson River in Manhattan.

An unoccupied horse and carriage rode by. I would have loved to hitch a ride, but it wasn’t in the budget.

“Looks like a level from Halo” Said a passer by. It touched my heart someone still cared about Halo.

Since I bought the tickets a few hours before the game, they were emailed to me. I have a fancy new iPhone 4s and I simply downloaded my ticket. When I arrived at the arena, I presented my phone, the woman scanned it and I started walking in. I was then stopped by this guy (he was missing a front tooth which set off my crackhead sense) who said they weren’t allowed to scan phones and I had to go with him to the ticket office and get a copy printed. “I thought we live in the future?” I said. “We do live in the future, just here at Philips Arena they told us we can’t scan phones” he replied.

At the ticket office printing out my ticket proved to be a painless experience. We may not live in the future, but the dreaded trip to Office Max to print out a ticket to a Hawks game is a thing of the past.

All season I have been documenting some of the wacky stuff they have been selling at the Hawks memorabilia auction. So far we’re seen a plaque commemorating LeBron James’s Rookie of the Year award, Jordan on the Wizards and a painting of Michael Jackson. I am slowly beginning to think some Hawks exec is discreetly having a yard sale. This week we have MLK, Jordan and Ali and a Bama Plaque. Nice to see Joe Namath getting some love.

And a herd of elephants running through a sea of red waves in the twilight. What the hell? What does this have to with the Hawks? It’s probably some of that yard saling exec’s kids stuff.

Food Note: If you walk through the CNN center to the game there is a food court with non stadium priced foods, including a Chick Fil A which, as you can see, is visible from inside Philips.

I’m pretty sure that you can buy the Chick Fil A and walk it in so that you won’t be subject to the bland foods available inside the arena. At this point I’m a certified expert on food at Philips, I’ve sampled everything from the suites to the nosebleeds and I can tell you it’s pretty bad. The food selection there is equatable to the Cleveland Cavaliers of a few years ago. The Crepe Stand was LeBron James, superhumanly carrying a woeful, talentless roster. Unfortunately during the off season, management made “The Decision” to discontinue the crepes.

SkyHawk posed with me for a picture with me, even though I was wearing a Bishop Eddie Long coat I found at a thrift store. SkyHawk is just glad to be back, not all mascots were able to weather the storm in the lockout.

As suspected I was able to move up a bunch. I can finally cross “going to a Hawks/Bobcats game off my bucket list.

Here’s the Hawks cheering section. I’m sure they all are legitimately Hawks fans, but this whole thing is set up as they get free seats. The Arena has to add this psuedo fan section so that TV cameras can always cut to, to give the illusion that the crowd cares and is pumped up. if you look around them you can see how pumped up the crowd is.

I’ve tried to talk to them before but they are all dodgy and evasive. Honestly I don’t think you could pay to go to all 41 Hawks home games and cheer my head off the whole game regardless of the situation. Even if the Jets had a cheering section like this I would have been fired at their last home game.

There’s the Heineken Lounge in the sky. It’s basically like a slick bar that happens to have a good view of the game. Strange it was vacant opening night (when I commandeered it), yet occupied for the game against the Bobcats?

Ivan the Terrible….basketball player that everyone in Atlanta has been getting excited about because the other off season acquisitions were T-Mac, Jerry Stackhouse and a Collins twin.

Josh Smith, one of the more exciting players to watch in the NBA. His front court mate Al Horford was injured in the previous game and I don’t think Josh minded the extra offensive responsibility.

Sometimes during intermissions two fans will get to shoot for money on the court. There are different zones ranging from $25 (lay ups) to $100 (3 pointers). The guy on the far side of the court was trying to hit longer range shots for more money, while the guy on my side simply stood under the hoop, piling in $25 baskets.

He finished with $450 and then predictably air balled half court shot for $1000. It was the first time I have seen someone abuse the $25 shot, I’m sure next time there may be a some kind of stipulation to prevent further abuses(can’t shoot from the same spot consecutively?), it’s not like the Hawks are made of money.

How do you get the seats with the flat screens? Considering I just got NBA League Pass on my iPhone for $40, I’m not that impressed.

To pass time during a timeout, the Hawks had a (pre taped) competition between Vlad Radmanovic and a fan on who can name the most European countries. Vlad’s sole mistake was that he thought Czechoslovakia was still a country. This seems to be a common mistake in Georgia as local rapper Gucci Mane is quoted as saying “I got more checks than a Czechoslavian”. Vlad won 17 to 10, I’m pretty sure if the fan would have faced off against Josh Smith the outcome would have been different.

Much like the guy at intermission shooting shots for money, this game was played at the rim.

And thus fulfills my quota of of at least one photo a game of Josh Smith with some kind or scowl, frown, grimace or any other form of bad facial body language.

Boosie is at the game, in spirit. If you’re on the fence about Lil’ Boosie, watch this.

I set the blueprint for the $20 game/meal/parking/drinks. I still had my little bottle of gin on me because they searched me like they never heard of Richard Jewell (or whoever blew up that park across the street during the Olympics). It’s totally doable. Unless you have will power that is weaker than Kevin Durant coming out of college on a bench press, which I do. I laid siege to one of the worst meatball heros (or subs as they are called here) and comically over sized cups of Fosters. Hopefully my will power can make a turnaround like Kevin did on the bench.

I can’t stress this fact enough: with the subtraction of the Crepe stand, Philips Arena has some of the worst food in sports.

This trip I came to the realization that Philips Arena is like a nightclub that’s full of sports fans. I do about as well with Georgia girls as Josh Smith does shooting basketballs from beyond the 3 point line, so it’s good to know the girls here are a sports fans. Talking sports is a great ice breaker (unfortunately I break ice about as well as the Titanic did).

The Hawks keep the scoreboard from their old stadium, “The Omni”, on display. We’re so quick to shutter and blow up old stadiums that have given us so many great memories (fighting back tears thinking about the Old Meadowlands), it’s nice to see an arena paying homage to the past.

Part of the reason I chose the Bobcats game to attend was that I had recently picked up Bobcats center Bryon Mullens in my deep fantasy basketball league. Mullens was a former first round pick of the Thunder who was buried on the bench until his off season trade to the Bobcats for relative peanuts. Now he is playing heavy minutes on a teams in dire need of scoring. I felt like a younger, fatter Billy Beane sitting in the stands, watching on as he poured in a career high 21 points.

But with a mug like that I made the decision to only take photos of Byron when something is blocking his face.

If you sit in these courtside seats, cheerleaders bring you candy.

The Kiss Cam.

My assault on my body via food and beer continued as I washed down some sugary chinese food with another Fosters. My budget is deader than Jimmy Darmody.

This is like “Where’s Waldo”, except its “Where’s 3D Dennis Scott wearing a full denim outfit socializing with people”. Find him and win a prize.

As you can see, there wasn’t much of a crowd. Umm, do they like basketball in Winnipeg?

When you see Matt Carroll and Jerry Stackhouse in the game, you know its effectively over.

It’s nice the Hawks got Zaza another Eastern European guy to hang out with.

Another page for my upcoming calendar “Zaza: The Georgian Georgian”.

Here’s Zaza rejecting the Bobcats prized rookie Bismack “The Big Mack” Biyombo. It’s not a good omen for your career when you are drafted by Michael Jordan.

And that was the game. It wasn’t one that Atlantans would tell their kids about, like the Nique-Bird shootout, or the time the Hawks turned the tables on the Magic in the playoffs and Zaza attacked the palm of Jason Richardsons hand with his face.

Joe Johnson threw his sweat drenched towel in the crowd, this girl caught it and draped herself in it. Sports makes people do funny things.

The Hawks fans/employees return their props to the bowels of Philips Arena.

I would like to think that I set the blueprint tonight, showed you can still have the Holy Trinity of good seats, food and booze for less than a twenty. Of course I couldn’t adhere to the blueprint, I’m a much better coach than player in the game of life.

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]]> http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/20/bobcats-hawks-twenty-dollar-or-less/feed/ 1 http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/16/arsenal-v-leeds-the-return-of-henry/ http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/16/arsenal-v-leeds-the-return-of-henry/#comments Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:55:08 +0000 Jon http://lolasportstalk.com/?p=4603 Hi, I’m Jon and I’ll be your occasional international correspondent on LolaSportsTalk for as long as they’ll have me.

Below is my right hand clutching Arsenal season tickets, borrowed from a family friend. Wednesday night was to be an FA Cup third round clash between the fifth placed team in what you guys for some reason call the EPL and a once-proud Leeds United team that currently languishes in “The Championship” (think Triple-A).

After about a two hour car journey, I get on the tube (aka the London Underground – or what you guys would call “the subway”). This was a potentially historic occasion, as it marked the return of Arsenal legend Thierry Henry to the club.

We pull up at the Arsenal Station. I got here early so as to avoid the rush but within an hour this station will be packed with fans.

This is the outside of the Arsenal Underground station. It’s only a five minute walk to the Emirates Stadium from here. This is probably the best spot to meet up with your friends to walk to the ground (stadium).

A row of terraced houses lines the street heading towards the stadium. On matchdays (gamedays) some of the people living in these houses tranform their front gardens into stalls of all shapes and varieties. This is one such stall selling a bunch of Arsenal stuff.

Here’s another stall, selling badges and other items, not just for Arsenal, but also for other teams as well. Some people collect these, for some reason.

For official merchandise you have to go to the Arsenal Store which was having its January Sale. As you can imagine, they are trying to cash in on the Henry return, even though he’s only here on a two month loan deal.

Another one of the terraced houses transformed for the day, this time into the Jerk Kitchen. This is why I get to the game early. I come for the free-flowing football, but I keep coming back for the curried goat.

The fans gradually begin to arrive. With it being a Wednesday evening, a lot of people come more or less straight from work, so there’s no time for tailgating or anything like that.

There’s a massive image on the side of the stadium depicting some of the greatest players to have played for the club and Ray Parlour (sorry, Ray) arm-in-arm.

This bronze statue is supposed to look like the great Tony Adams. He is possibly the greatest central defender Arsenal have ever had. Arsenal could certainly do with someone of his quality at the moment.

Henry has his own bronze statue, but I needed to get inside, so here’s another shot of the Adams one. I constantly argue with one of my friends who insists Henry is overrated because he only even plays well against the weakest teams, but you won’t find anyone here who doesn’t think Henry is worthy of his own statue.

There was an air of anticipation around the ground as in the previous few days the loan deal for Henry from came through. I was actually against the move at first, but I think that might be a by-product of my pathological hatred of Ric Flair – I’m not a fan of past-their-prime athletes returning to re-live their past glories. Admittedly, I did allow myself to get swept up in the nostalgia and excitement of this particular occasion.

The standard of my photography has slipped now, as I have had to go to my little compact camera. You can’t go getting a big camera with lens out once you’re inside, otherwise the marshalls come down and tap you on the shoulder and may ask you to leave. You may be wondering why Arsenal have opted to start a big green dinosaur on the right side of midfield, but actually that’s the mascot. He probably would have played better than Marouane Chamakh did though.

The game was very frustrating. Arsenal had all the possession and all the chances but neither team could score. With 22 minutes to go, the substitutions are made and on comes Henry – now sporting an impressive beard and wearing number 12 instead of his trademark number 14 jersey – to a hero’s welcome.

With only his 5th touch of the ball, Henry scored what would prove to be the winning goal. Earlier in the week, I told my friends that if he celebrated a goal by running round shouting “Wooo!” and ripped off his shirt to reveal a saggy chest and a set of “bingo wings”, I was never going to the Emirates again. He didn’t do any of that, but he did run around excitedly for a good couple of minutes and was noticeably gassed for the rest of the game.

I’ll admit it though, I did get caught up in the moment, as you can perhaps tell from the blurriness of the photograph. While I’m not sure scoring against the lowly Leeds does anything to disprove my friend’s theory about him only doing it against weaker opposition, we needed him to win this one and it’ll be interesting to see what else he can achieve over the next two months.

Basically I was drunk at a bar and decided to look up tickets to the upcoming Nets at Hawks game. The perfect storm of the Nets being a train wreck of a team and the Hawks having the most indifferent fan base in sports lead to me purchasing a court side seat for a surprisingly reasonable $230.

Technically I wasn’t sitting on the court, I had the Nets bench in front of me.

“Everyone get up for the Hawks tradition of standing until the first Hawks basket is scored”. Sorry this isn’t Oklahoma City, where even the handicapped people stand up till the first basket, no one paid it any mind.

“Welcome back home MarShon” I said to the Stone Mountain GA native, MarShon Brooks. I’m a huge Brooks fan but I do have to admit that he is a dead ringer for Tyler the Creator.

DeShawn Stevenson has a Plies angry ski mask face tattooed on the back of his neck, nice. Quick tangent: When was the last time anyone has used a ski mask for skiing. What’s the skiing : heinous crime ratio for ski masks? It’s like those fake flowers that they sell in crackpipes at bad gas stations, it’s a shitty disguise for an accessory to a crime.

The look of rejection.

Sheldon Williams is a starter on the “No Shape Up” team. Many NBA players have travelling barbers, perhaps he should borrow one.

DeShawn Stevenson clipping his nails during a timeout.

By the CNN Center entrance you can find 24oz (or 25oz if you go with Fosters) for $9. Not only is this a great deal ounce for ounce, it’s also from a can, which is important since all Atlanta sports venues have been caught watering their draft beers down to illegal proportions. Use our Grifter’s Guide to Beer to maximize your drinking dollars at games.

Don’t forget to bid on a reminder of the lowest moment of the greatest player ever.#HawksMemorabiliaAuctionFail

I guess that $9, 24oz beer wasn’t such a value as it was kicked over by a passerby who’s girlfriend in tow laughed. A minute later the guy returned and asked if he had kicked my beer over and then pledged to buy me another one, which was a classy move. Unfortunately he got me a draft which was presumably watered down.

Another page for my upcoming Zaza Pachulia Calendar.

I kept yelling “Malaysia Pargo!” at Janero Pargo every time he was on the floor and it was quiet. His wife has a hell of a right hand.

Atlanta wasn’t passing up an opportunity to take a shot at at their former draft bust Sheldon “The Landlord” Williams.

I’m assuming this guy behind the Nets bench was their security. I was wondering if (hoping) he was some Russian mobster there to intimidate Deron Williams into signing a long term deal, but his tattoos seem to be in english. Between him and the usher at FedEx Field with the face tattoo, the glass ceiling for people with socially unacceptable tattoos has been broken.

My obligatory Josh Smith scowling photograph. Its a Philips Arena tradition.

Hey look, it’s the best female basketball player ever, Candice Parker. She is also the wife of New Jersey Nets forward Sheldon Williams. That’s their daughter who I can only assume will be a hell of a basketball player one day, unless she takes after her Dad.

It seems like the Hawks didn’t give her the best seat, but considering who she’s married to,I’m surprised they didn’t give her the TJ Yates parents seats.

Damian Jones has some hairy ass shoulders. #ThingsYouOnlyNoticeWhileSittingCourtsideOrByBeingAnNBAGroupie

Josh Smith blocked this MarShon Brooks shot so viciously that Al Horford had to recoil into a Chris Bosh stance.

“I’m the only Nets fan here, you have to interview me” I said. No dice. I wish i did the interview and the caption said “Fat guy with too much time on his hands” under me.

As he passed by I got to tell Mario Elie how much I appreciated those early to mid nineties Rockets teams. I totally spaced on it when I saw The Jet a few nights earlier.

I know it’s a little blurry, but former NBA player Anthony Johnson. Shows you how fine tuned my Obscure NBA Player radar is. I could find a Louis Amundson in a haystack.

My ticket granted me access to the exclusive Jim Ellis Audi Lounge which is nestled beneath the Club side 100′s section. My ticket also promised me $15 worth of booze there and I was going to collect.

It’s Hawks legend Dominque Wilkens! I had to approach him carefully because I didn’t want any miscommunications and then something like this to happen. I politely asked to take his photo and he said “Quick”.

I snapped a second, less consensual photo, just incase the first one was messed up. Remember: no matter how dangerous, or awkward a situation is, take the picture. Injuries heal, awkwardness subsides, but a great photo will last forever. Even if it’s at the risk of getting decked by a Hall of Famer while being restrained.

“That’s ghetto, with the car stencil up there” said my friend Darius. I have to admit, its pretty cool that there is a bar under the seats.

I ordered a double Hennessy with coke and the bartender, Peppa from Salt N Peppa informed me that I couldn’t use my $15 credit there, I had to use it elsewhere.

Which is precisely why I keep a beer under my seat. Me = Stadium smart.

This is what they turned my beloved crepe place into. I’m sure it’s ok, but I was just too emotional to try it this night.

It looks like I wasn’t the only one there supporting Kris Humphries. Pro Kris Humphries signs: 1, anti Kris Humpries signs: 0. Atlanta fans couldn’t even get up to boo the alleged most hated man in basketball.

I think we can pretty much agree the chances of Deron resigning with the Nets are between .0012 and .0013%. It’s tragic because just a few weeks ago a Brook Lopez + Gerald Wallace + 1000 first round picks for Howard + Turkogloo deal seemed imminent, then Lopez broke his foot. Now the Nets are starting to settle on the bottom on the NBA standings, a D-League team surrounding D-Will. I applaud the Nets on swinging for the fences with Williams, but it seems like it may have been for naught.

I can’t blame him either, he’s from Dallas, they will be on one of their last championship runs, I can’t blame him. I’m doing my mourning now. Plus I’ve convinced myself that MarShon Brooks is the new D Wade.

Speaking of MarShon/Tyler the Creator, here he is with a dunk, part of the career high 21 he would score this night.

(PJ Carleisimo being choked joke)

Avery Johnson: Intense.

Kris Humphries couldn’t take the boos anymore and began to sob uncontrollably into a towel. JK, he’s just wiping sweat off his face. I only remember one time, when he was taking some free throws, that the Hawks fans booed him. I was in DC on opening night and Humphries was booed and called “Kristal Humphries mercilessly whenever he was even near the ball, the difference was night and day.

DeShawn Stevenson seems a bit huskier than when I last saw him in person in June. He’s a great weapon for a contending team, as his defense (and t shirts) has rattled LeBron in two cities, but on a floundering team like the Nets, he doesn’t make much sense.

Ryan Howard was in attendance. The fans booed him and then broke into the Braves chant. The fans found their pulse once the Braves were involved.

Deron rolled an ankle.

Candice Parker is a real basketball wife.

I stormed random concession stands, hell bent on getting my $15 worth of free food/drink. One directed me to a desk where they exchanged half my ticket stub for $15 in Hawks bucks. It was the 4th quarter and no one was selling beer, so Ijust grabbed some random asian food and the Garlic Fries which I have been eyeing for a year now.

The asian food was standard mall food court style asian food, nothing really to report. The “Garlic” fries were shamful though. The last time I saw garlic fries at a game was the Gordon Beirsch in Qualcomm Stadium. They had garlic and other greasy seasonings, topped off with parmesan cheese. These were simply fries with a half spoon of jarred chopped garlic on them, it was one of the most half ass, least cohesive dishes I have ever seen at a game. But hey, it was free.

The last thing any Hawks fan or basketaball purist wants to see, Josh Smith shooting a long jumper.

Sheldon Williams, presumably pondering the meaning of life.

Darius spent his Hawks bucks on some pizza. Had he simply eaten the Hawks bucks they probably would have been tastier.

As far as the actual game, the Nets lost, but it was a close one, not an easy task against one of the better teams in the East.

The NBA: Where you can pay $230 to be on TV, guaranteed.

Look for me All Star Weekend in Orlando.

Follow @lolasportstalk