Making the Pilgrimage with me was Fantasy Basketball writer Docktor A of Rotoworld.com fame. The good Docktor is a resident of the Northern Georgia town of Dahlonega (site of America’s first gold rush, eat your heart out San Francisco 49ers) so we met up 60 miles north of Atlanta at truck stop and spent the three hour drive (Tommy thanks for letting me borrow your car!) exchanging sports war stories.

Signs of the South.

Charlotte’s downtown wasn’t big, but I must say I was impressed at how modern the few sky scrapers looked.

Time Warner Arena, aka The Big Cable Box. I don’t know how many cable boxes I have seen with a partial brick facade, but it does seem pretty futuristic on the outside and I love the smack downtown location.

I would have loved to walk around and get more exterior shots of the building, but it was colder than Bill Belichick’s heart outside, so we opted to kill the extra hour we had tailgating inside the car with some Bud Tall Boys (with the keys in the back seat like responsible people!).

Docktor A in the mouth of the beast.

Some unsurprisingly unsold Matt Carroll tees.

“Looks like the T’Wolves logo” observed Docktor A.

The Bobcats team store was little more than a front for Jordan Brand gear. The entire arena was covered in Jump Men.

If you’re a real Bobcats fan, you’ve probably got to do some drinking.

This is the kind of art work that is around your arena when your owner dresses like this.

Those are some healthy snacks, or something (I have know idea, I know as much about health food as Randy Whitman knows about being sensitive).

Still with time to kill, the good Dr and I went to go check out the Rock the Rooftop and the Rufus (my nickname!) Room.

These were good things?

Ok, that panel looks like it should be on a pair of MJ’s jeans. I was feeling the exposed cement though, it’s usually a feature reserved for football stadiums.

A blimp waits in the rafters.

If you’re a stadium and you want to get in my good graces, have a bar with enormous bottles of Budweiser that bracket a big screen TV with Twitter on it.

Replace “first” with “worst”. I’m sure even Napolean didn’t have this many portraits of himself around his palace.

I’ve never had Bojangles, but I hear it’s good. You have to appreciate when stadiums have name brand items instead of just pawning Aramak crap off on us.

The Oblivicam: Where they put someone who is not playing attention on the jumbotron and time how long it takes them to notice. That is brilliant.

The symbol of MJ’s totaltarian dictatorship.

This is the entrance to our Club Level section, it looks like the entrance of a spa.

As we entered our section we made an immediate left and walked up the stairs to the “Founders Level”. We figured the worst that could happen was we would be told that we made a wrong turn. At the top of the stairs the man who checks tickets said “What are y’all here for, the restaurant?”. I love when people include the answer they want to hear in the question they ask me. “Yea, the restaurant” I said and like that we were granted access.

The restaurant looked pretty swanky, so I decided so slip under the rope and get a better look.

The food looked and smelled exceptional, especially the carving stations. I contemplated picking up a plate from one of the empty tables, joining in and dealing with the consequences should they arise. I opted against it, not wanting to embarrass myself in front of my esteemed guest.

Why yes there’s a chainsaw painted on the stairs. It looks like a random Kreayshawn tattoo.

I probably should have mentioned, it was also 70′s night, this contest would be between the Carolina Cougars and the Los Angeles Star. Kevin Brawley played the National Anthem Jimi Hendrix in Woodstock style. Technically Hendrix dropped his version in 1969 invalidating it for 70′s Night, but I’m not going to split hairs. Playing “Stayin Alive” as the National Anthem would be sacrilegious anyway.

For some reason this confused and amused (copyright Clyde Frazier) the Bobcats coaching staff. Maybe they were just thinking about something they saw MJ wearing earlier. Also why does the guy on the left look like one of those guys who works on airport runways, what is he wearing?

The LA Stars uniform included some kind of cardigan. Weird but kind of cool.

A Discoball, they really went all out on this 70′s Night.

Vinny Del Negro, better known as the achillies heel of the Clippers LA Stars.

The Bobcats Congolese rookie, Bismack Biyombo has flashed plenty of promise as a shot blocker, will he be able to stand up to Lob City?

Sorry, that was my only attempt to make the Bobcats seem exciting, I won’t do it again, promise.

It didn’t take long from Lob City protector Deandre Jordan to erase a shot.

And then misses a posterization of Biyombo on the other side.

More Deandre, what a freak.

Another stadium that sells lottery tickets. I know scratch offs are (generally) for foolish people who are looking for a quick solution to their problems. Fuck it I thought, I never buy them, I may as well give it a whirl. They advertise that the proceeds from these go to Education in North Carolina. I actually turned $5 into $6 over these 3 tickets. “So did I just take money away from North Carolina’s educational system?” I asked. The guy tersely said no.

This “Meatball Mania” seemed interesting, three different kinds of meatballs on a stick. I like meatballs a lot, but I was scarred by some bad ones at Philips Arena a few weeks ago, plus I don’t like ginger, so I passed on these. I guess I didn’t have the balls to get them.

I got the steak tacos at a mexican place in the Club section. Being in the Club section I assumed they would beheld to a higher standard than what was for sale elsewhere (how else could they justify charging you that extra money for Club?). These steak tacos still exceeded my slightly raised expectations for them.

Docktor A went with the Super Cheesy Bacon Fries. I asked him how they were and he replied with a super unenthusiastic “they’re ok”.

During a timeout they had retired Panther Chris Draft on the Jumbotron and spoke of how he lost his wife earlier this year to lung cancer earlier after only a month of marriage. She was a 38 year old non smoker. It shows how stupid and short sighted people like me are who inhale smoke on purpose are. What a tragic tale.

Cheerleaders came out and handed out Bojangles chicken boxes to people at random during a timeout. The season opener in DC was as the first time I have witnessed cheerleaders bringing out food like this (there it was Chipotles. mmmmm, Chipotles), it’s a tradition that I hope continues on until the end of sports.

Kenyon Martin is the first NBA player to return from playing(trapped) in China this year, signing with the Clippers LA Stars just last week. JR Smith is next on deck, with his team having been eliminated from the Chinese playoffs last week. This is probably a great thing for US/China relations, because JR’s sister has been choking and fighting with Chinese people at his games. As she explains on twitter (@LuvMeLongTyim , no, really): “How bout 2day these Chinese ppl gone learn bout fuckin with us!!!”. I’m assuming when we finally airlift the Smith’s out of there it’s going to look something like this.

Speaking of JR, Bethlehem Shoals was kind enough to use one of my photos of Smith in his article about him on Friday on The Classical. Score one for the good guys.

Docktor A worked feverishly on his blackberry. A twenty year veteran of fantasy basketbal, His job is watching all the NBA games every night and making fantasy basketball related observations on Twitter in real time and answering questions from followers. Then he stays up the rest of the night, organizing the those thoughts into a coherent column for RotoWorld.com, which which runs in the morning, at which point he goes to sleep and repeats. That’s probably the coolest job I have ever heard of. If you play fantasy basketball and aren’t in any league with me, or even just want to know literally everything in going on in the NBA to the second, the man is a must follow/read.

In lieu of a T-shirt cannon (or T shirt gattling gun like in OKC), the Bobcats sent a guy on pogo sticks with a lacrosse stick to throw tee shirts deep into the upper sections. I’m pretty sure Blake Griffin could still outjump him. The girls were throwing the tee shirts into the crowd with the same velocity that Peyton Manning is currently putting on balls (sorry Docktor A!).

Blake with the hook.

Blake is know as a very poor free throw shooter (53.7% on the year, yuck), but miraculously he has gone 22 of 27 in his last 4 games (this one included). Possibly related: this is the first week I benched him to protect my free throw % in fantasy basketball.

Not to be forgotten: Chris Paul, a legitimate MVP candidate in his first year in Lob City.

At halftime there were some groovey 70′s performances and Rufus the Cat, the Bobcats mascot (I think, it’s too unimportant to wiki. #Bobcats) was wearing some brown 70s pants (wearing them 70s high too), a cheesy purple rayon button up, a soul train hat and sunglasses inside at night. I’m going to assume he was high on coccaine, just to complete the look. It was like a live action scene from “Fritz the Cat”.

Wow, they had a donut robot. That is legit, The Big Cablebox deserves recognition for this. I didn’t actually try them though, I’m just not really into sweets, just meat and beer. #BarbarianLifestyle

As Docktor A and I returned from a halftime stroll, the woman guarding the entrance to the level below us had changed and I intended to test her replacement right off the bat. I casually walked by her and went straight to the aisle seat in row K, I had been watching open seats below us during the first half, I knew it was open.

I identified CP4, Chris Paul’s son. I remembered him from his adorable cameo on NBA TV during the playoffs last season. Hopefully this photo joins my “Before they were Stars” portfolio along with long haired, hippie Aaron Rodgers and the last few milliseconds of a Tebow that had never scored and NFL touchdown. Never doubt my sports papparazzi eye.

Blake soars for a board.

Blake has also been on a blocks tear. Here I captured him capturing Reggie Williams shot.

Blake almost hurls the ball through the hoop like Zues would hurl a lightening bolt down from Mount Olympus. I missed out how this play actually ended. Since I watch all these plays through my camera’s viewfinder, when I press the button to shoot, the viewfinder goes dark and I don’t get to see what happened. #SportsPhotographerProblems

Blake with another hook. The fear was that the Clippers would beat the lowly Bobcats so bad that they could rest Blake and then the crowd paid premium prices to watch Kenyon Martin play his way into post China shape. It wasn’t shaping up that way because Blake was getting a lot of burn.

Blake.

Black chest checking Kemba Walker, no foul called. For all of Blakes considerable gifts, I have to give him credit for seemingly choosing the Light Side of the Force. He’s not mean, he’s not trying to hurt people, people hack him and he will walk back to the line without eye fucking them. It’s kind of the opposite with Ndamukang Suh who spends his Sundays trying to crack quarterbacks like some steamed crabs after the whistle and then feigns ignorance to what happened while being defiant at press conferences. Stay cool Blake, we have enough super villains in the NBA right now.

Deandre throws down a monster Lob from Chris Paul. Up to this point the crowd has been almost supernaturally dead. It was so quiet you could hear individual conversations, people talking about colleges, home loans, anything but basketball. They were all Bobcats fans though. I had expected it to be similar to my experience at the Bulls @ Nets game the other night: super popular team comes to town against floundering team, all the bandwagon Bulls/Clips fans come out of the woodwork, but that was far from the case.

Just because they were quiet doesn’t mean they were bad fans, the problem was they literally have nothing to cheer for. This Lob was snapped the crowd back into a basketball state of mind.

Blake was constantly talking up the officials, a savvy move by a blooming mega star.

Blake with yet another hook, when did he add this dimension to his game?

Deandre Jordan is really blowing up this year. Boston haters everywhere are overjoyed that the Celtics elected to take JR Giddens over him in the 2008 draft.

This dunk by Blake electrified the crowd like a tazer blast from Charlamane tha God’s Father. It’s literally what everyone came to see, especially Bobcats fans who will see decent basketball walk out the door when the Clippers leave the Arena this night.

My how the ugly have fallen: last time I was at a game that Byron Mullens was in, he dropped a career high 21 points and it looked like he had finally validated his status as a first round pick. Since then he has fallen on hard times since defenses finally watched a tape of him and learned to defend his jumper. Here he is going back to a well that is dryer than Gucci Mane’s lips (I really didn’t want to diss the Guc but I was struggling to think of something dry).

I hadn’t been paying attention to the score much and I did a double take when I finally did look at the scoreboard.

Blake joking around with teammates. If you came for some Bobcats player photos, you came to the wrong website buddy.

Kenyon Martin explains the finer points of coaching to Vinny.

Blake performs a fly by on Tyrus Thomas.

The ref’s rehydrated during a timeout. Contrary to popular opinion, refs are people too.

Blake’s day ended with a monster, Dominique-esque windmill jam.

I sign of the times. #TwitterRules #MostImportantInventionInAWhile

Deandre Dancing to “Stayin Alive”

A bunch of kids were allowed to lineup to to try to get a hand shake or autograph out of Blake on his way to the lockerroom Naturally I waded through the children to stake out a good spot vantage point to shoot Blake from.

Kids started pointing at this kid and yelling “hey it’s Blake!”. After the game as I was cycling through the photos on my camera’s viewfinder and Docktor A got a glimpse and said “you got that close to Blake?”.

Have you ever seen anyone as enthusiastic to get a high five from Brian Cook? Me Neither.

Blake.

There’s someone nobody wanted to high five. #VinnyDelNegroProblems

Naturally, Corey Meggette was crowned “Player of the Game”. Who didn’t see that coming?

Docktor A and I headed back to the team store/Joran brand merchanise epicenter in a futuile attempt for me to try to spend the $10 credit that still remained on my ticket.

These (horrific looking) shoes were for sale for $223. “They come with all this stuff though” said an employee when asked about the price, pointing to the slipper and 2 extra sets of insoles.

Dr. A asked him f he had ever seen Jordan in the store before. He said he hadn’t but had a friend who worked in a different part of the stadium that had an experience with him. She had told him that a fruit basket was left in a VIP room and went bad, the whole staff from that area was called in a personally lectured by MJ himself. Sounds about right.

After I purchased a pasrtial glow in the dark Bobcats basketball, we tried to go back up the stairs into the arena but were greeted by this figurative metaphor for the lockout.

As we were walking out the normal exit, we ran into Clippers assistant coach (and ex Grizzlies head coach) Mark Iavaroni. After this photo he walked out the front door and just started walking down the street, no jacket on (it was very cold), just with his briefcase. “That’s really weird, I wonder where he’s going” said Dr. A “maybe he was just fired” I replied.

After a chilly sprint to our car, we were off, heading south and leaving Charlotte in our wake. Blake didn’t disappoint us (well maybe a little, I was hoping to get a photo of him stuffing Tyrus Thomas through a rim). The Big Cable Box was a great stadium, I loved the futuristic setting, the innovative ideas by the stadium operators to keep it fun (the Oblivicam and having the game ball be passed fan to fan, from the nosebleeds to the court), the rooftop lounge, it all was great. The only thing that was lacking was a decent hometown basketball team. It’s not like the cupbard was full when MJ took over, but he’s done a great job trading away all their talented and fun players (Crash Wallace anyone?) and replacing  them with soul suckingly bad player like Kwame Brown (why would MJ OF ALL PEOPLE sign him?!?!) and Desagna Diop. I don’t know how the fans put up with it, especially considering they have ther strong sports options in the area (it’s he college basketball Mecca + NASCAR). At least for one night they got a reprieve from crappy basketball and got a chance to see the Blake Show.

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I was at a bar watching the Knicks underachieve when my phone rang.  It was Hank, my step father, and he said “Do you wanna go?”

“Go where?”

“To the Super Bowl.”

Please understand, I’m not usually the type of guy that gets phone calls like that but I also never pass up once in a lifetime opportunities either.  So I accepted and headed out to Indianapolis to see my hometown New York Giants do battle against the New England Patriots for some championship jewelry.  Now, thanks to the power of the interweb and the good people at Lolasportstalk.com you can experience my journey too.

 Indianapolis was a nice city.  It was clean, the people were friendly and it was surprisingly modern.   The Super Bowl brought more than a hundred thousand people to town and outside of the shortage of hotel rooms they seemed to handle it smoothly.  We were told that some locals were renting there homes out for two thousand dollars for the weekend.  Some hotels that sell rooms for 99 dollars a night were charging 6 or 7 hundred dollars with 4 day minimums.  We stayed at the Thompson hotel in Chicago and made the 3 hour drive to Indy in the morning (Editors note: Smart).

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Indianapolis also may be the smallest “city” I have ever been to.  There are maybe 5 tall buildings and the “suburbs” are kind of right there in downtown.

There were all types of things to do on Superbowl sunday, one of the most popular things was the zipline they installed that ran over the Super Bowl village in town.  Apparently it was so popular that tickets to ride sold out faster than Jose Reyes did as a free agent. (I hope that doesn’t sound too bitter.)

The girl on the left is the Indy 500 Festival Queen.  Whatever that is.  Other insignificant celebrities were spotted as well, including “DJ” Pauly D from the Jersey Shore.  I purposely didn’t snap a photo of him.

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Like I said I didn’t take any photo’s of “Dj” Pauly D, but I did snap a few shots of Snookie, also from the Jersey Shore.  Take a look.

In the center of the Super Bowl village was a live taping of NFL Countdown

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 This next shot was taken mere moments after Chris Carter was snubbed for Hall Of  Fame consideration

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 The many faces of Chris Berman

Now lets get Coach Ditka in on the action.

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 Tom Jackson

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And just in case you were curious, even the pro’s get a little help from time to time.

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So all this action had us getting hungry and on a tip from “Roof”, our beloved editor here at Lolasportstalk.com, we checked out Shapiro’s deli, which he said serves the best Reuben in North America.  He wasn’t wrong.  If you ever find yourself in the greater Indianapolis area this is a must.

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Now, after lunch things started to get a little weird.  For starters, the hustlers showed up.  There were dozens of entrepreneurial men and their cohorts running 3 card monte and shell game scams.  They were praying on rube’s and were charging $100 dollars a hand, the only people who were winning were those who looked like they could’ve been the hustlers roomates.  Several times I was warned “politely” not to photograph this very “legal” and “not at all rigged” game.

Then there were the religious Super Bowl enthusiasts, although none of them mentioned football at all.  The different religious groups we encountered touched at both ends of the spectrum.

This first group was mostly young people, of various ethnic backgrounds and they were a mix of boys and girls.  They appeared happy and overtly optimistic. It was a bit cult-like Their message however was vague and so is their website.

(editor’s note: Peep St Elmo’s Steakhouse in the background, best cocktail sauce known to man.)

This next group of religious wingnuts was the extreme polar opposite of the first.  They were all older, angry, white men that forced their extreme positions on whomever they could reach with their bullhorns.  These pious hatemongers could be found at nearly every intersection in the city.  A lot of the more open minded sports enthusiasts had a bit of fun debating with these men, but I’ve always been told not to argue with fools.

Oh, you don’t want to be photographed?  Then don’t wear a sign at the Super Bowl that references sorcery.

So, as it often goes, you can’t speak of religion without politics being soon mentioned.  Then right on cue the occupiers showed up.

Apparently they were there to protest the NFL’s “right to work” policies.

And it would seem that the occupiers of the mid-west are getting more organized as evidenced by this billboard I saw later that weekend.

As we all well know, wherever there are occupiers, you can find a police force nearby ready to mobilize.  If you don’t believe me see this video I took down at Zuccotti Park at 2AM a few months back.

I’m sure you’ll allow me one bad football inspired pun.

“Hey look its the Indianapolis Colts”       Sorry.

The only arrest I saw in Indy was of this poor girl who begged and pleaded not to be cuffed after the game (Btw, there was a football game played, I’m getting to that)

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I should mention that I don’t know much about police procedure in Indianapolis, but instead of arresting drunk girls maybe they should have been questioning this armed political activist.

This photo, to me, suggests something about the duality of man.  On the one hand you have politically engaged people holding a sign that has highlighted the word love, yet he has an instrument of death attached to his hip.  Go figure..

So while we encountered a bit of hatred in Indianapolis and it was saddening, there is always one bit of hate I can support.

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Yet, as we already know love conquers all and the people of Indy love their Mannings.  Either Manning.

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I snapped this next shot of this couple from behind for obvious reasons.  What you can’t see however is the front of her shirt which said something like..

Flight to Indy….$150

Dinner in Indy….$200

Super Bowl Tickets….$2000

This Ass….Priceless

You’ll just have to believe me as she wouldn’t allow me to photograph it (the shirt).

And so it was finally time to go into the stadium

That is A LOT of people!

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Do you guys like girls?  Yeah me too.

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Hey look I’m on TV!!

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Prayer seemed to be an important thing to a lot of the Giants players.  Hey, Tim Tebow, eat your heart out.

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Tom Brady opted to practice not throwing to Gostkowski.

God Bless America

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Whoa whoa whoa, I’m taking the pictures here thank you very much.

Aaaaaaaaaaand were off..

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After going up 2 to nothing on a forced safety on the patriots first drive the Giants march downfield.

Touchdown!! Giants 9 Patriots 0

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The Brady Bunch had a few tricks up there sleeve too and go into halftime up 10-9

It was remarkable how efficiently they were able to transition from sporting event to concert in a quick and seamless fashion.  I come from a career in audio and have been involved in concert and live performances many times.  But due the sheer scope of this event its worth mentioning how both the visuals and sound quality were flawless and I tip my cap to the crew.

The material girl, Madonna.

 That nickname has become even more relevant when you consider the length of her career.

 From wikipedia “The albums discography of American singer-songwriter Madonna consists of twelve studio albums, six compilation albums, threesoundtrack albums, three live albums, ten extended plays, three remix albums and nineteen box sets.”

Material indeed

I’m pretty sure she was lip synching.  Which is fine by me because it sounded good.

Both Tom Petty and The Who have headlined recent Super Bowl halftime shows.  I couldn’t help but wish that some legendary rockers would have played this superbowl too.  I had to settle for party rockers LMFAO. (Editor’s note: Oh no!)

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Like a virgin?  Naahhhhhhh

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Pop tart Nikki Minaj and Sri Lankian oddball M.I.A join in on the fun.  M.I.A would later outrage America by raising her middle finger at a television camera.  Proving once again that America is too easy to outrage.

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Former Goodie Mob member Cee Lo Green performs with Madonna

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~-=_(<(<*@*WHoa tHe CoLOrs*@*>)>)_=-~

Sorry I’m prone to flashbacks.

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Anyway, when we arrived in the stadium, on every seat was a collectible seat cushion and in the cushion was a little flashlight.  They asked the crowd to all point the flashlights at the end of her performance, resulting in this effect.

And with that, halftime was over.

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Eli and the Giants had to dig deep and try to march down field

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Another tight end get hurt for the Giants.  Earlier in the game a giants tight end was forced to leave the game with injury.

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Here is the number to dial to snitch on your fellow man with anonymity.  It is worth noting that Super Bowl tickets are very expensive and with that you don’t find too many of the “bleacher creature” type fans in attendance.  To my eye, there wasn’t very much unruly behavior at all to report on.

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So this kind of moment here is why you follow sports.  Super Bowl. 4th quarter.  Your team down by two. Final minutes.  Chance to score.  Strategy and time management decisions to make.  Emotions running high.  Everything at stake.  History being written.

THIS WAS HUGE!

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Can they get in the endzone?  Should they kick?

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Two weeks prior to this night, the Patriots won and got into the Suber Bowl because Baltimore Ravens Kicker Billy Cundiff missed a 32 yard field goal.  Would Lawrence Tynes of the Giants have an opportunity to win….or lose for the Giants too?

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No, he would not.  Because this man #44 Ahmad Bradshaw fell across the goal line to score a touchdown to put the Giants ahead for good.

Hey Ahmad, I would have kept that ball also.

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The Pats had one last chance to drive downfield and win the game with a touchdown.

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But that would not happen.  After a dropped pass by Wes Welker and a failed hail mary pass by Tom Brady, the GIANTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!!!   NEW YORK ARE CHAMPIONS!!!

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Enjoy the thrill of victory.

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Tom Coughlin hands the Lombardi Trophy to Eli Manning for the 2nd time in their careers.

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Also for the 2nd time in his career Eli was awarded the honor of Super Bowl MVP (Editor’s note: Which I bet money on!).

Feelin’ like Champions

What a game.  What a Day.  What a stadium.

What an interesting city this was.  This tiny little oasis which is seemingly out in the middle of nowhere just hosted the biggest sporting event in the world and handled it without a hitch.

I’m so glad my team won and took home the championship.  If they had lost it would have been a long 3 hour drive back to the hotel in Chicago.

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But the nice thing about driving through Indiana is that there are plenty of places like this to pull over into along the way if things got bad enough.

-Justin Pallack

This past week I made a foray up to New York. Being a Nets fan, along with not having the six figures necessary to purchase a Knicks ticket, I crossed the Hudson River to catch the League leading Bulls take on the Nets in their temporary shelter. I made the pilgrimage with two of my best friends (and parters in LolaNewYork.com) and my college roommate from a decade ago.

We parked a few block away from the Prudential Center, under a filthy overpass. I don’ think this parking lot will be making the Newark tourism brochure anytime soon. We sat in my ex-roommate’s (Marv) van and sipped some pregame E&J.

The only times in my life I’ve been near the Prudential Center have been when I was riding a Grey Hound bus from some point South to New York, Newark is one of the last stops. If you are already familiar with what areas around Grey Hound stations are like, you know that it’s not some where you want to hang out, but I always marveled at this partially glass, big screen TV endowed building in the middle of downtown. Granted it was the middle of a downtown I had hoped to avoid for the duration of my life, I was still impressed and curious.

We entered through a very tall glass atrium that was bathed in red right. It felt like somewhere Rihanna would pray to the devil (JK, kind of).

Upon entrance, I was amazed by how bright and open the whole arena was. I can only imagine what its like to be here in the daytime, with sun ricochetting off the white surfaces. It reminds me of the House of Cuban in Dallas. It also reminds me how clostrophobic some other stadiums are (The Teracotta Urn in OKC comes to mind). Bravo Newark.

People forget Doctor J was a Net back when they used to play in Long Island. I was raised between Long Island and Fort Greene Brooklyn (five blocks from the Nets new Arena), so for obvious reasons this team is close to my heart. It doesn’t hurt that the Knicks Evil owner James Dolan blocked the Jets West Side Stadium (would have been great for Jets fans and Manhattians) and continues to torture his fan base by employing Isiah Thomas and LaLa Vasquez Anthony as co-Gms.

The Beer selection. O’Doul’s is available all game! All the 24 oz beers were $13, which was a good or bad deal depending on if you were buying foreign or domestic. I’m used to 23 oz Buwdeiser cans for $9 at Philips Arena in Atlanta, but then again my last ticket at Philips cost literally 4x less than the ticket from this game.

The Bud Light Goal Bar, the only one you could go to without Club Access.

Stromboli’s at a sports game: Its a Jersey thing.

Wait, isn’t there a game going on? Oh, yea. By the time I reached my seat the game was essentially over. I love how the scoreboard says “Bank of the Devils”, sounds like they’re describing Bain Capital.

Decent seats for $32 a piece considering the Bulls lead the league in wins. Compared to the Knicks, where the average ticket price for the Knicks/Lakers game was $312, this was a steal. I followed my usual routine: buy the cheapest available Lower Level seat that is near the player entrance of whichever team you are more interested in. Then you have access to the section and can then (almost always) move up in the section.

Oh and of course the crowd was comprised almost exclusively of Bulls fans, there were more people wearing red than in Bird Man’s entourage. Speaking of Bird Man, is he the worst gambler ever? He has publicly dropped large sums on the Miami Heat and New England Patriots ($5,000,000 !) to win their respective championships. Don’t be surprised if his bookie ends up on the Forbes list one of these years. he really is Mush from A Bronx Tale. “I dont want his money touching my money!”.

Derrick Rose was questionable for the game with a balky back. He was playing when I arrived, but soon went to the bench, never to re-enter.

Some big stars come out for the game in Newark.

Growing up a Jets fan, I know all too well what it’s like when your team is just crashing at another team’s stadium. I can identify the passive aggressive signs that a home team leaves to make you feel awkward. Prudential Center is littered with them, they make little effort to replace Devils logos with Nets stuff. Earlier in the year I was at the Verizon Center and all the Caps stuff was switched to Wizards. I’m surprised the Devils even put the ice away.

The Giants fan in the club bar has this Jets fan Green with envy.

Get your very own customized Nets jersey for $85. Under normal circumstances I’d have bought a LolaSportsTalk one faster than Rob Gronkowski can put a gut wrenching game (and ankle injury) behind him, but since the jerseys are changing, it would be a waste.

Look how long the sushi line is compared the the generic sports food line.

Beers of Newark? Judging from Newark’s reputation I would assume they sell Ballantine, Steel Reserve, Red Dog, St Ides and Hurricanes. You can get a shot of rubbing alcohol in the beer for an extra $2.50. Remember, I’m just speculating here.

A cigar bar at the game. Haven’t seen that yet. I asked if it was related to the one owned by the Nets new announcer, The “Battlefield Earth” looking guy who is single handedly gentrifying Fort Greene (I didn’t ask that verbatim). Turns out it wasn’t.

I checked the score on some kind of giant fake iPhone on the wall. Nets down 30. (French Montana Voice) “Damn”.

While I was in the bathroom I relayed the news to my friend that Rose wasn’t going back in the game. This started a conversation between me and an African guy with a heavy British accent who identified himself as Luol Deng’s cousin. I would have taken a pic but that’s a little awkward in the bathroom.

I appreciate that they had actual Jewish people manning the Kosher station, unlike MetLife. I was going to try to write more about how awesome it was but then it sounds like workplace discrimination, so I’m going to just slowly back away.

In the last few months, strangers have been coming up to me in the street and asking me if I am the guy from LMFAO or informing me that I look like him. Prior to that I had no idea who they were. I’m pretty sure this guy looks more like the LMFAO guy than me, I wish I could hire him to go around with me as a lightening rod of sorts, absorbing those inquiries from strangers while I can continue on with my day unmolested.

There won’t be a 36th year. How do they expect proud New Jersians to grin and bear it?

“Remember that skull shirt Juicy J wore in a video like 5 years ago? yea well I’m going to wear it to the game”

The Turkish version of The Jersey Shore was sitting next to us, they would go crazy every time Omer Asik did anything. This area of New Jersey is known for being a melting pot of immigrants (still a PC word?) from around the World. Overall I have never seen a more multi-ethnic crowd at a sporting event, the one thing that they all had in common was that they were Bulls fans.

I began my clandestine descent into the lower realms of my section. Surprisingly there were no ushers at the bottom.

I may be in the midst of really enjoying the Prudential Center, but I know one person in attendance tonight isn’t: Nets point guard Deron Williams. His grumpiness on the subject can be viewed here. As stated in previous photo essays, we all know that massive changes that are coming this off season: Prokorov being poisoned/imprisoned/winning the Presidency of Russia (and Jay Z inheriting the team?!), the move to Brooklyn, Deron’s move to Dallas, bad free agent signing by Billy King, (hopefully not) the jettisoning of Brook Lopez (for more cap space to spend on bad free agents). Why does Deron have to be such a grump on top of it?

I never noticed the moving cameras atop the shot clocks. You never really stop to think about how far the technologies used to record the game have come. Sometimes I start to wonder if we get a little too close. Let’s look at Mic’d up for instance: When Tim Tebow was mic’d up, it was good, (very) clean fun (“nice play Brian”). Now after the Super Bowl, the Mic’d up tapes were reviewed and people are hyper criticizing everyone involved from players to coaches to refs. Give these guys a little private space to operate under those intense circumstances. Imagine if Skip Bayless or Stephen A Smith got their hands on those tapes?

It just happened to be Kris Humphries Birthday!

Hey it’s me on the jumbotron. It’s the first time I can remember since my friend James and I flipped off the crowd at the Meadowlands on August 11th 2001, Michael Vick’s second preseason game ever.

Even though his team was up insurmountably, Tom Thibideaux was still laying into people. It was also weird to see his bald spot in person. He’s has the second most mesmerizing bald spot on HD, behind only Manu Ginobili. Ton should ask Carlos Boozer where he got his Wayne Rooney treatment done.

A few miles away the Knicks were playing and members of the Giants, who had won the Super Bowl the day before, were in attendance, basking in their new found glory. At the Nets game, played in the same state where the Giants work and live, there wasn’t a Giant to be found. I kept hoping that there would be a guy up on the jumbotron and under him it said “Giants equipment manager”. This second class citizen shit is real.

Amid cheers of “M-V-P”, Brian Scalabrine entered the game.

One more reminder: know where player exits are.

As we strode out of the building, a middle aged black woman mocked my friend for wearing a Nets hats. Such is the strange limbo that the Nets hang in. They’ve alienated their New Jersey fan base with their desperate attempts to escape the state. Their Brooklyn roots have yet to be planted (aside from some well placed plants in Jay Z and the White Predator Announcer). As a fan my true emotions are still in suspended animation, awaiting a future that is unknown to all except Billy King (which is terrifying).

What’s lost in this limbo is that the Nets play in a very nice stadium and that the city of Newark deserves applause for making such an effort to host a team and improve their city despite the tough economy. And also despite Deron Williams being such a grump.

As far as the Net’s new stadium, their first game there will serve as the launching point for Lola Sports Talk’s Limo Tour, where we’re going to ride in a Lola Sports Talk Limo around the country, going to games and taking pics. Be on the lookout for it end of October.

**Bonus**

Yankee Stadium, as seen from a flight out of LaGuardia.

A shot at Manhattan from the top going down. It’s strange how you never think of the island like this. Unless you are Dominican of course.

Follow @lolasportstalk

The Recession Special begins with a cheap, 100 level ticket.

Being the strategic ticket shopper/sports paparazzi crazy person that I am, you will notice I got  a seat by the Hawks player entrance. This is essentially buying a raffle ticket for the sweat drenched headbands Josh Smith throws to fans on his way to the locker room every game.

The price of the ticket was deflated because of the opponent (the Bobcats) and the hometown (Atlanta), so I bought the cheapest 100 level seats possible, knowing that there would be a plethora of empty seats available that I can move up into. It’s like buying the smallest house in a really nice neighborhood.

I’m like the Sebastian Pruiti of breaking down how to get great tickets cheap, frame by frame.

Parking directly under Philips is $10 (cheap for sports venues) and you can even park curbside outside the club section for $30. I selected option C and parked a half mile away FOR FREE in the neighborhood of CastleBerry Hills. The neighborhood overlooks train yards that you may recognize from AMC’s The Walking Dead (specifically when they went to rescue the handcuffed redneck on the roof). The bridge across the tracks has been the scene of many a roman candle duel between my late, great friend Low and myself.

After spending $26.46 on the actual tickets, we still had $13.54 to play with. We spent $7 on four pieces of fried chicken and some mac salad. I’m fortunate enough to be friends with the 2009 Nashville Hot Chicken Champion and I had some hot chicken sauce in my fridge, so I was able to spruce up my meal. Other meals available on this budget are Wendy’s dollar menu and just buying some chicken thighs at the supermarket and baking them (the healthiest route).

At the Jets/Giants game (debacle) a few weeks ago, I snagged a large amount of these “Green it” towels they were giving away. The Jets performance in the game so so pathetic that I have been using the towels around the house, to clean things, as a dishrag, wash cloth, or in this case, a napkin. Can you tell I’m still bitter?

With the remainder of our $20 a piece budget we bought Eight 8 ounce Budweisers to drink on the walk and two tiny bottles of gin to smuggle in. I’m pretty sure I could have made the beer money stretch further but I didn’t want to buy anything that ended in “Ice” or “High Gravity”.

Side tangent alert: How come beer and cigarettes are the only things you can buy where you can “supersize” for the same or even less money? Like if you go to McDonalds and order a number 3 and then ask to get it supersized, the price goes up 50 cents (I’m really out of touch with McDonalds pricing). If you go to the cigarette store, the 100′s, the longer version of the regular cigarette, costs the same as the regular one. If you go to the beer store, Bud Ice, which has MORE alcohol in it than regular Budweiser, costs LESS than regular Budweiser? How does that make sense?

Unfortunately for me and my friend D, Indian Summer had finally run out. Icy winds whipped across my face, bringing with them flashbacks of winters along the Hudson River in Manhattan.

An unoccupied horse and carriage rode by. I would have loved to hitch a ride, but it wasn’t in the budget.

“Looks like a level from Halo” Said a passer by. It touched my heart someone still cared about Halo.

Since I bought the tickets a few hours before the game, they were emailed to me. I have a fancy new iPhone 4s and I simply downloaded my ticket. When I arrived at the arena, I presented my phone, the woman scanned it and I started walking in. I was then stopped by this guy (he was missing a front tooth which set off my crackhead sense) who said they weren’t allowed to scan phones and I had to go with him to the ticket office and get a copy printed. “I thought we live in the future?” I said. “We do live in the future, just here at Philips Arena they told us we can’t scan phones” he replied.

At the ticket office printing out my ticket proved to be a painless experience. We may not live in the future, but the dreaded trip to Office Max to print out a ticket to a Hawks game is a thing of the past.

All season I have been documenting some of the wacky stuff they have been selling at the Hawks memorabilia auction. So far we’re seen a plaque commemorating LeBron James’s Rookie of the Year award, Jordan on the Wizards and a painting of Michael Jackson. I am slowly beginning to think some Hawks exec is discreetly having a yard sale. This week we have MLK, Jordan and Ali and a Bama Plaque. Nice to see Joe Namath getting some love.

And a herd of elephants running through a sea of red waves in the twilight. What the hell? What does this have to with the Hawks? It’s probably some of that yard saling exec’s kids stuff.

Food Note: If you walk through the CNN center to the game there is a food court with non stadium priced foods, including a Chick Fil A which, as you can see, is visible from inside Philips.

I’m pretty sure that you can buy the Chick Fil A and walk it in so that you won’t be subject to the bland foods available inside the arena. At this point I’m a certified expert on food at Philips, I’ve sampled everything from the suites to the nosebleeds and I can tell you it’s pretty bad. The food selection there is equatable to the Cleveland Cavaliers of a few years ago. The Crepe Stand was LeBron James, superhumanly carrying a woeful, talentless roster. Unfortunately during the off season, management made “The Decision” to discontinue the crepes.

SkyHawk posed with me for a picture with me, even though I was wearing a Bishop Eddie Long coat I found at a thrift store. SkyHawk is just glad to be back, not all mascots were able to weather the storm in the lockout.

As suspected I was able to move up a bunch. I can finally cross “going to a Hawks/Bobcats game off my bucket list.

Here’s the Hawks cheering section. I’m sure they all are legitimately Hawks fans, but this whole thing is set up as they get free seats. The Arena has to add this psuedo fan section so that TV cameras can always cut to, to give the illusion that the crowd cares and is pumped up. if you look around them you can see how pumped up the crowd is.

I’ve tried to talk to them before but they are all dodgy and evasive. Honestly I don’t think you could pay to go to all 41 Hawks home games and cheer my head off the whole game regardless of the situation. Even if the Jets had a cheering section like this I would have been fired at their last home game.

There’s the Heineken Lounge in the sky. It’s basically like a slick bar that happens to have a good view of the game. Strange it was vacant opening night (when I commandeered it), yet occupied for the game against the Bobcats?

Ivan the Terrible….basketball player that everyone in Atlanta has been getting excited about because the other off season acquisitions were T-Mac, Jerry Stackhouse and a Collins twin.

Josh Smith, one of the more exciting players to watch in the NBA. His front court mate Al Horford was injured in the previous game and I don’t think Josh minded the extra offensive responsibility.

Sometimes during intermissions two fans will get to shoot for money on the court. There are different zones ranging from $25 (lay ups) to $100 (3 pointers). The guy on the far side of the court was trying to hit longer range shots for more money, while the guy on my side simply stood under the hoop, piling in $25 baskets.

He finished with $450 and then predictably air balled half court shot for $1000. It was the first time I have seen someone abuse the $25 shot, I’m sure next time there may be a some kind of stipulation to prevent further abuses(can’t shoot from the same spot consecutively?), it’s not like the Hawks are made of money.

How do you get the seats with the flat screens? Considering I just got NBA League Pass on my iPhone for $40, I’m not that impressed.

To pass time during a timeout, the Hawks had a (pre taped) competition between Vlad Radmanovic and a fan on who can name the most European countries. Vlad’s sole mistake was that he thought Czechoslovakia was still a country. This seems to be a common mistake in Georgia as local rapper Gucci Mane is quoted as saying “I got more checks than a Czechoslavian”. Vlad won 17 to 10, I’m pretty sure if the fan would have faced off against Josh Smith the outcome would have been different.

Much like the guy at intermission shooting shots for money, this game was played at the rim.

And thus fulfills my quota of of at least one photo a game of Josh Smith with some kind or scowl, frown, grimace or any other form of bad facial body language.

Boosie is at the game, in spirit. If you’re on the fence about Lil’ Boosie, watch this.

I set the blueprint for the $20 game/meal/parking/drinks. I still had my little bottle of gin on me because they searched me like they never heard of Richard Jewell (or whoever blew up that park across the street during the Olympics). It’s totally doable. Unless you have will power that is weaker than Kevin Durant coming out of college on a bench press, which I do. I laid siege to one of the worst meatball heros (or subs as they are called here) and comically over sized cups of Fosters. Hopefully my will power can make a turnaround like Kevin did on the bench.

I can’t stress this fact enough: with the subtraction of the Crepe stand, Philips Arena has some of the worst food in sports.

This trip I came to the realization that Philips Arena is like a nightclub that’s full of sports fans. I do about as well with Georgia girls as Josh Smith does shooting basketballs from beyond the 3 point line, so it’s good to know the girls here are a sports fans. Talking sports is a great ice breaker (unfortunately I break ice about as well as the Titanic did).

The Hawks keep the scoreboard from their old stadium, “The Omni”, on display. We’re so quick to shutter and blow up old stadiums that have given us so many great memories (fighting back tears thinking about the Old Meadowlands), it’s nice to see an arena paying homage to the past.

Part of the reason I chose the Bobcats game to attend was that I had recently picked up Bobcats center Bryon Mullens in my deep fantasy basketball league. Mullens was a former first round pick of the Thunder who was buried on the bench until his off season trade to the Bobcats for relative peanuts. Now he is playing heavy minutes on a teams in dire need of scoring. I felt like a younger, fatter Billy Beane sitting in the stands, watching on as he poured in a career high 21 points.

But with a mug like that I made the decision to only take photos of Byron when something is blocking his face.

If you sit in these courtside seats, cheerleaders bring you candy.

The Kiss Cam.

My assault on my body via food and beer continued as I washed down some sugary chinese food with another Fosters. My budget is deader than Jimmy Darmody.

This is like “Where’s Waldo”, except its “Where’s 3D Dennis Scott wearing a full denim outfit socializing with people”. Find him and win a prize.

As you can see, there wasn’t much of a crowd. Umm, do they like basketball in Winnipeg?

When you see Matt Carroll and Jerry Stackhouse in the game, you know its effectively over.

It’s nice the Hawks got Zaza another Eastern European guy to hang out with.

Another page for my upcoming calendar “Zaza: The Georgian Georgian”.

Here’s Zaza rejecting the Bobcats prized rookie Bismack “The Big Mack” Biyombo. It’s not a good omen for your career when you are drafted by Michael Jordan.

And that was the game. It wasn’t one that Atlantans would tell their kids about, like the Nique-Bird shootout, or the time the Hawks turned the tables on the Magic in the playoffs and Zaza attacked the palm of Jason Richardsons hand with his face.

Joe Johnson threw his sweat drenched towel in the crowd, this girl caught it and draped herself in it. Sports makes people do funny things.

The Hawks fans/employees return their props to the bowels of Philips Arena.

I would like to think that I set the blueprint tonight, showed you can still have the Holy Trinity of good seats, food and booze for less than a twenty. Of course I couldn’t adhere to the blueprint, I’m a much better coach than player in the game of life.

Follow @lolasportstalk

]]> http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/20/bobcats-hawks-twenty-dollar-or-less/feed/ 1 http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/16/arsenal-v-leeds-the-return-of-henry/ http://lolasportstalk.com/2012/01/16/arsenal-v-leeds-the-return-of-henry/#comments Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:55:08 +0000 Jon http://lolasportstalk.com/?p=4603 Hi, I’m Jon and I’ll be your occasional international correspondent on LolaSportsTalk for as long as they’ll have me.

Below is my right hand clutching Arsenal season tickets, borrowed from a family friend. Wednesday night was to be an FA Cup third round clash between the fifth placed team in what you guys for some reason call the EPL and a once-proud Leeds United team that currently languishes in “The Championship” (think Triple-A).

After about a two hour car journey, I get on the tube (aka the London Underground – or what you guys would call “the subway”). This was a potentially historic occasion, as it marked the return of Arsenal legend Thierry Henry to the club.

We pull up at the Arsenal Station. I got here early so as to avoid the rush but within an hour this station will be packed with fans.

This is the outside of the Arsenal Underground station. It’s only a five minute walk to the Emirates Stadium from here. This is probably the best spot to meet up with your friends to walk to the ground (stadium).

A row of terraced houses lines the street heading towards the stadium. On matchdays (gamedays) some of the people living in these houses tranform their front gardens into stalls of all shapes and varieties. This is one such stall selling a bunch of Arsenal stuff.

Here’s another stall, selling badges and other items, not just for Arsenal, but also for other teams as well. Some people collect these, for some reason.

For official merchandise you have to go to the Arsenal Store which was having its January Sale. As you can imagine, they are trying to cash in on the Henry return, even though he’s only here on a two month loan deal.

Another one of the terraced houses transformed for the day, this time into the Jerk Kitchen. This is why I get to the game early. I come for the free-flowing football, but I keep coming back for the curried goat.

The fans gradually begin to arrive. With it being a Wednesday evening, a lot of people come more or less straight from work, so there’s no time for tailgating or anything like that.

There’s a massive image on the side of the stadium depicting some of the greatest players to have played for the club and Ray Parlour (sorry, Ray) arm-in-arm.

This bronze statue is supposed to look like the great Tony Adams. He is possibly the greatest central defender Arsenal have ever had. Arsenal could certainly do with someone of his quality at the moment.

Henry has his own bronze statue, but I needed to get inside, so here’s another shot of the Adams one. I constantly argue with one of my friends who insists Henry is overrated because he only even plays well against the weakest teams, but you won’t find anyone here who doesn’t think Henry is worthy of his own statue.

There was an air of anticipation around the ground as in the previous few days the loan deal for Henry from came through. I was actually against the move at first, but I think that might be a by-product of my pathological hatred of Ric Flair – I’m not a fan of past-their-prime athletes returning to re-live their past glories. Admittedly, I did allow myself to get swept up in the nostalgia and excitement of this particular occasion.

The standard of my photography has slipped now, as I have had to go to my little compact camera. You can’t go getting a big camera with lens out once you’re inside, otherwise the marshalls come down and tap you on the shoulder and may ask you to leave. You may be wondering why Arsenal have opted to start a big green dinosaur on the right side of midfield, but actually that’s the mascot. He probably would have played better than Marouane Chamakh did though.

The game was very frustrating. Arsenal had all the possession and all the chances but neither team could score. With 22 minutes to go, the substitutions are made and on comes Henry – now sporting an impressive beard and wearing number 12 instead of his trademark number 14 jersey – to a hero’s welcome.

With only his 5th touch of the ball, Henry scored what would prove to be the winning goal. Earlier in the week, I told my friends that if he celebrated a goal by running round shouting “Wooo!” and ripped off his shirt to reveal a saggy chest and a set of “bingo wings”, I was never going to the Emirates again. He didn’t do any of that, but he did run around excitedly for a good couple of minutes and was noticeably gassed for the rest of the game.

I’ll admit it though, I did get caught up in the moment, as you can perhaps tell from the blurriness of the photograph. While I’m not sure scoring against the lowly Leeds does anything to disprove my friend’s theory about him only doing it against weaker opposition, we needed him to win this one and it’ll be interesting to see what else he can achieve over the next two months.

Basically I was drunk at a bar and decided to look up tickets to the upcoming Nets at Hawks game. The perfect storm of the Nets being a train wreck of a team and the Hawks having the most indifferent fan base in sports lead to me purchasing a court side seat for a surprisingly reasonable $230.

Technically I wasn’t sitting on the court, I had the Nets bench in front of me.

“Everyone get up for the Hawks tradition of standing until the first Hawks basket is scored”. Sorry this isn’t Oklahoma City, where even the handicapped people stand up till the first basket, no one paid it any mind.

“Welcome back home MarShon” I said to the Stone Mountain GA native, MarShon Brooks. I’m a huge Brooks fan but I do have to admit that he is a dead ringer for Tyler the Creator.

DeShawn Stevenson has a Plies angry ski mask face tattooed on the back of his neck, nice. Quick tangent: When was the last time anyone has used a ski mask for skiing. What’s the skiing : heinous crime ratio for ski masks? It’s like those fake flowers that they sell in crackpipes at bad gas stations, it’s a shitty disguise for an accessory to a crime.

The look of rejection.

Sheldon Williams is a starter on the “No Shape Up” team. Many NBA players have travelling barbers, perhaps he should borrow one.

DeShawn Stevenson clipping his nails during a timeout.

By the CNN Center entrance you can find 24oz (or 25oz if you go with Fosters) for $9. Not only is this a great deal ounce for ounce, it’s also from a can, which is important since all Atlanta sports venues have been caught watering their draft beers down to illegal proportions. Use our Grifter’s Guide to Beer to maximize your drinking dollars at games.

Don’t forget to bid on a reminder of the lowest moment of the greatest player ever.#HawksMemorabiliaAuctionFail

I guess that $9, 24oz beer wasn’t such a value as it was kicked over by a passerby who’s girlfriend in tow laughed. A minute later the guy returned and asked if he had kicked my beer over and then pledged to buy me another one, which was a classy move. Unfortunately he got me a draft which was presumably watered down.

Another page for my upcoming Zaza Pachulia Calendar.

I kept yelling “Malaysia Pargo!” at Janero Pargo every time he was on the floor and it was quiet. His wife has a hell of a right hand.

Atlanta wasn’t passing up an opportunity to take a shot at at their former draft bust Sheldon “The Landlord” Williams.

I’m assuming this guy behind the Nets bench was their security. I was wondering if (hoping) he was some Russian mobster there to intimidate Deron Williams into signing a long term deal, but his tattoos seem to be in english. Between him and the usher at FedEx Field with the face tattoo, the glass ceiling for people with socially unacceptable tattoos has been broken.

My obligatory Josh Smith scowling photograph. Its a Philips Arena tradition.

Hey look, it’s the best female basketball player ever, Candice Parker. She is also the wife of New Jersey Nets forward Sheldon Williams. That’s their daughter who I can only assume will be a hell of a basketball player one day, unless she takes after her Dad.

It seems like the Hawks didn’t give her the best seat, but considering who she’s married to,I’m surprised they didn’t give her the TJ Yates parents seats.

Damian Jones has some hairy ass shoulders. #ThingsYouOnlyNoticeWhileSittingCourtsideOrByBeingAnNBAGroupie

Josh Smith blocked this MarShon Brooks shot so viciously that Al Horford had to recoil into a Chris Bosh stance.

“I’m the only Nets fan here, you have to interview me” I said. No dice. I wish i did the interview and the caption said “Fat guy with too much time on his hands” under me.

As he passed by I got to tell Mario Elie how much I appreciated those early to mid nineties Rockets teams. I totally spaced on it when I saw The Jet a few nights earlier.

I know it’s a little blurry, but former NBA player Anthony Johnson. Shows you how fine tuned my Obscure NBA Player radar is. I could find a Louis Amundson in a haystack.

My ticket granted me access to the exclusive Jim Ellis Audi Lounge which is nestled beneath the Club side 100′s section. My ticket also promised me $15 worth of booze there and I was going to collect.

It’s Hawks legend Dominque Wilkens! I had to approach him carefully because I didn’t want any miscommunications and then something like this to happen. I politely asked to take his photo and he said “Quick”.

I snapped a second, less consensual photo, just incase the first one was messed up. Remember: no matter how dangerous, or awkward a situation is, take the picture. Injuries heal, awkwardness subsides, but a great photo will last forever. Even if it’s at the risk of getting decked by a Hall of Famer while being restrained.

“That’s ghetto, with the car stencil up there” said my friend Darius. I have to admit, its pretty cool that there is a bar under the seats.

I ordered a double Hennessy with coke and the bartender, Peppa from Salt N Peppa informed me that I couldn’t use my $15 credit there, I had to use it elsewhere.

Which is precisely why I keep a beer under my seat. Me = Stadium smart.

This is what they turned my beloved crepe place into. I’m sure it’s ok, but I was just too emotional to try it this night.

It looks like I wasn’t the only one there supporting Kris Humphries. Pro Kris Humphries signs: 1, anti Kris Humpries signs: 0. Atlanta fans couldn’t even get up to boo the alleged most hated man in basketball.

I think we can pretty much agree the chances of Deron resigning with the Nets are between .0012 and .0013%. It’s tragic because just a few weeks ago a Brook Lopez + Gerald Wallace + 1000 first round picks for Howard + Turkogloo deal seemed imminent, then Lopez broke his foot. Now the Nets are starting to settle on the bottom on the NBA standings, a D-League team surrounding D-Will. I applaud the Nets on swinging for the fences with Williams, but it seems like it may have been for naught.

I can’t blame him either, he’s from Dallas, they will be on one of their last championship runs, I can’t blame him. I’m doing my mourning now. Plus I’ve convinced myself that MarShon Brooks is the new D Wade.

Speaking of MarShon/Tyler the Creator, here he is with a dunk, part of the career high 21 he would score this night.

(PJ Carleisimo being choked joke)

Avery Johnson: Intense.

Kris Humphries couldn’t take the boos anymore and began to sob uncontrollably into a towel. JK, he’s just wiping sweat off his face. I only remember one time, when he was taking some free throws, that the Hawks fans booed him. I was in DC on opening night and Humphries was booed and called “Kristal Humphries mercilessly whenever he was even near the ball, the difference was night and day.

DeShawn Stevenson seems a bit huskier than when I last saw him in person in June. He’s a great weapon for a contending team, as his defense (and t shirts) has rattled LeBron in two cities, but on a floundering team like the Nets, he doesn’t make much sense.

Ryan Howard was in attendance. The fans booed him and then broke into the Braves chant. The fans found their pulse once the Braves were involved.

Deron rolled an ankle.

Candice Parker is a real basketball wife.

I stormed random concession stands, hell bent on getting my $15 worth of free food/drink. One directed me to a desk where they exchanged half my ticket stub for $15 in Hawks bucks. It was the 4th quarter and no one was selling beer, so Ijust grabbed some random asian food and the Garlic Fries which I have been eyeing for a year now.

The asian food was standard mall food court style asian food, nothing really to report. The “Garlic” fries were shamful though. The last time I saw garlic fries at a game was the Gordon Beirsch in Qualcomm Stadium. They had garlic and other greasy seasonings, topped off with parmesan cheese. These were simply fries with a half spoon of jarred chopped garlic on them, it was one of the most half ass, least cohesive dishes I have ever seen at a game. But hey, it was free.

The last thing any Hawks fan or basketaball purist wants to see, Josh Smith shooting a long jumper.

Sheldon Williams, presumably pondering the meaning of life.

Darius spent his Hawks bucks on some pizza. Had he simply eaten the Hawks bucks they probably would have been tastier.

As far as the actual game, the Nets lost, but it was a close one, not an easy task against one of the better teams in the East.

The NBA: Where you can pay $230 to be on TV, guaranteed.

Look for me All Star Weekend in Orlando.

Follow @lolasportstalk

This is the first piece in a 2 part expose on the highlife at Philips Arena.

As you can see, the ticket wasn’t cheap, it was actually more face value than my court side seats for the next game. Where are people’s priorities?

Here is Spencer’s suite, an upscale hotel room at nosebleed latitude.

Looking to bid on an autographed Zaza plaque or one signed by a backup that no longer plays for the team? You’re in luck.

How about a picture of Larry Bird, the guy who outdueled our greatest player and knocked us out of the playoffs? What about Lebron James, the most hated guy in basketball (more than Kris Himphries). Come on, bid on it, it commemorates his rookie of the year award.

The pasta station in the club section, surprisingly not dissimilar from the pasta station from your college cafeteria. Another similarity would be that they are both housed in places that cost you tens of thousands of dollars a year to attend (college and the Hawks club level).

Spencer and I left the comfy confines of the club section to go get one of the best meals in sports, the savory crepes. At the last game of last year I was so cool with the crepe people that they made me a ham AND steak crepe. When I reached the crepe stand’s location I was in shock as it was no longer there. A conversation with a smart ass security guard revealed that the stand no longer existed. Recent losses in my life have helped me put petty things like this into perspective, but this was still a sad moment for me.

I tried to fill the crepe sized hole in my hear with the ambitious sounding pretzel chicken BLT. Of course the bread was not pretzel-ish, at all, the chicken breast was dryer than a Ben Stein monologue and would it have killed them to warm up the bread or cheese? This is the kind of food you get when the vendors no that you can’t go anywhere for food (other examples: airplanes, jails).

For the holidays the Hawks had Jerry Stackhouse address the crowd. Great choice because he has only been here a few weeks, has been on 4 teams since 2009 and once did this to a fellow human being.

So close yet so far. I would have covered this, you know, if the World wasn’t sexist.

I try to get at least one good photo of Josh Smith making some kind of frowny face at every Hawks game I go to.

Hawks fans are in mid season form. Seriously Atlanta, don’t be too excited for your opening day or anything. I wonder if they like basketball in Winnipeg……

The newest Hawk, Tracy McGrady, I would be so excited if this was a decade ago. The Hawks free agent haul this year was McGrady, 37 year old Jerry Stackhouse and one of the Collins twins (doesn’t matter which).

At the suite bar on level C I bought a Hennessy and coke with a Budweiser on the side (classy right?) and commandeered the exclusive Heineken Lounge. It’s like a Heineken themed nightclub that happens to have a view of the basketball game. Tonight, due to the bad economy and one of the most indifferent fan bases in sports, it was mine, mine, mine.

“Hi, you may not know be but I’m the Hawks coach. I really am! Well happy holidays anyway.”

At the end of the kiss cam it is customary to put two males on the camera together (I mean it IS Atlanta, right?). The guys usually cover their faces, or in JR Smith’s case, run to half court (Really happened at a game last year), but Shaq simply grabbed the man next to him and started licking his bald head. That’s so Shaq.

I make it a point to get at least one photo of a celebrity per game, so at halftime I usually hang around the club level like the crazed sports paparazzi I am until I see someone. Today’s quota filler was “The Jet” (the real one, not you, Jason Terry) Kenny Smith. I asked him if I could take a picture “of him” and he thought I said “with him”. I didn’t mind the miscommunication. He seemed really down to earth and I totally spaced on telling him how much I loved those old Rockets teams.

I also saw Atlanta Falcons cornerback Brent Grimes. “I wish you could come to the Jets” I said. He laughed, not knowing that I would really trade Antonio Cromartie, Kyle Wilson and one of my kidneys to have him be the Jets number 2 corner.

Spencer got the wings from the Buckhead Diner (not to be confused with the Bankhead Diner which is located in the nosebleeds) earlier in the night and they were crispy and spicy, just how I like them. I ordered my own batch later and this time they were soggy and luke warm. Sigh.

More Hennessy, coke and Budweiser please. Last call at the suites bar is the end of the game, in the non superballer sections its the end of the third quarter. The 1% get extra 25% to drink at the game.

If you ever wondered what big corporations did with all that money they saved outsourcing your job, here is the answer. Pretzel rods and some cheese for $33 is palatable so long as you simply put it on some corporate credit card. What percent of $19 baskets of popcorn do you think end up written off as business expenses, 110%?

Beer on the other hand here is a steal. $23 for a six pack (of 12 oz cans, 72oz overall) seems steep until you realize it is the same price as 2.5 16 oz beers in the main concourse (40 oz overall). There is value to be had on the suites menu.

The bottle service was a bargain too, way cheaper than at a nightclub/stripclub.

I suppose there was a game going on too, but if we were really into that I wouldn’t be up in the sky box in the first place. The Hawks thrashed the visiting Wizards, which was a shame because I had bet the Wizards +365 and +8.5 on multiple tickets. Serves me right for going against the home team.

As I was leaving, I began to unscrew the Heineken arm on the tap to bring home as a souvenier, so at some point I could have it in my own bar and tell people “well you know that actually is the tap arm from the Heineken Lounge in Philips Arena”. I then thought about how I was there with Spencer’s job and I wouldn’t want it getting back to them and getting him in trouble, so I left it.

Thus concluded my experience in the suites at Philips Arena. It wasn’t my first time in a suite, it’s a lifestyle more focused on flaunting wealth than it is about watching basketball, an amalgamation between opulent nightlife and basketball. Even a sports purist like myself is not immune to the allure of these posh, beer filled sanctuaries in the sky and I hope to be back in one soon.

Look for part 2, Life on the Floor coming monday.

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I was driving up from the south and parking passes on stub hub were north of $50, so I made the decision to park at the Secaucus train station and take the train one stop to the game. Down in Atlanta we have been having a pretty ridiculous indian summer. All week people from New York were telling me how nice the weather was, when I pulled up in Secaucus I set a foot out of the car and the frigid wind cut right through my running shoes. It was much colder than I was expecting, or as it is pronounced in the local dialect “Hey! I’m freezing my friggin bwalls off over hea’, can you believe this?!”.

The discourse on the concourse was surprisingly civil between Jets and Giants fans. Once aboard the train, these shirtless, painted Giants fans were being loud and obnoxious. You have to remember, this is the Northern version of the Hatfields and McCoys. For 50 years the two teams have shared the city, the last 30 they have shared a stadium. There aren’t any political or geographic or ethnic boundaries, for completely arbitrary reasons, people who live in the same area fall on different sides of this divide. The shirtless gentleman asked me if I was from Queens, I asked why and he said “because you’re a Jets fan, everyone Queens is a Jets fan, I’m like a renegade out there.” Then he took a swig out of his Coca Cola Bottle which I assume had more than just Coke in it.

Here a female Jets fan asks a cop to “please arrest those (shirtless) Giants fans”. Sadly the order fell on deaf ears.

I went over to see The Grfiter and his crew. They presented me with a mason jar of moonshine from West Virginia. They never cease to amaze me with the cool shit they have at their tailgate. Tailgates are like holiday dinners for people who are crazy about football and don’t mind eating dinner outside in the winter.

Most people are embarrassed to be seen wearing Izod these days, how do you think this empty building feels?

Here’s a mixed couple. The guy had nice things to say about the Jets, saying as long as they weren’t playing the Giants that he rooted for them. I couldn’t tell if he was being sincere or simply didn’t want to sleep on the couch tonight. I don’t hate the Giants either, I recently went to one of their games in Arizona to cheer for them (wearing a Jets jersey of course). Overall there was a lot more civility among the fans than I had anticipated.

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Giants fans always point out that they have two more Super Bowl Titles than the Jets, but I like to point out that the Jets are one of the few teams that are undefeated in the Superbowl. It’s not really a point but makes me feel better when I say it.

One of the cooler limos I’ve seen. I’m working on getting a Lola Sports Talk limo (preferably my Crown Victoria, stretched) to ride around the country next fall going to NBA and NFL games. Stay tuned.

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“Anyone have tickets? Anyone have tickets?” Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the skateboarding scalper.

At one point in the parking lot my ears were under assault by a Jim Jones Giants-centric remix to his (one and only) hit “We Fly High“. It was God awful.

It’s always nice when the kids are there for beer pong.

A literal tailgate.

I brought some Black Label’s to the game with me, its like PBR minus the hipster guilt.

Contrary to popular belief, children aren’t patted down.

Plax was up for the coin toss, it was supposed to be a big deal. A lot of people (Including Rex Ryan) were excited about the signing of Plax, but I just couldn’t be that excited to sign a 34 year old WR who hadn’t played in 2.5 years and had shot himself in the leg since his last NFL catch. Bitterness towards personel moves from the last 3 years will be a running theme in this photo essay.

The Giants offense couldn’t get anything going on their first drive and the Jets breezed right down the field on theirs. Here Plax pulls a “Jeremy Shockey” by celebrating a little too hard after a routine, non scoring catch.

Mark Sanchez finished off the drive with a short pass to the mildly intriguing Josh Baker.

The Giants offense was under seige again on their second drive. A Jets fan near me pondered aloud “Hey did we like trade Schotty to the Giants or something?”. Obviously not because the Jets offense was sputtering too.

This guy was some kind of bizarre Favre groupie. I don’t think he fully understands what people in that stadium think of Brett Favre.

One of the few things I had yet to try was the pastrami sandwich from the Jewish Delicatessen by section 146. Similar to the Jets offense, it was disappointing. there was a scant amount of meat and the bread seemed extra cold. I got a knish too, which tasted like it was made with instant potatoes.

I’ve been to a few stadiums recently that had iconic, city specific food items such as Tony Luke’s Cheesesteaks (with sharp provolone!) at Phillies games or Ben’s Chilli Bowl at Redskins games. With the abundance of amazing Jewish delicatessens in the area, it’s almost insulting to fans that MetLife doesn’t reach out to Katz delicatessen or Sarge’s or anyone who makes great food. Even Subway’s NY Hot Pastrami would have been an upgrade. I know Snoopy is the corporate sponsor, but that doesn’t mean you have to serve us all dog food.

The pickle was excellent though.

The Giants offense did eventually get some traction and ventured deep into the red zone before having to settle for a field goal. It made me nervous that the Jets dominated early on and didn’t have much to show for it.

Nice outfit. It’s a football game, not The Standard Hotel on a friday night.

“I’m just going to pull my jersey out of the hamper for the game, I’m sure no one will notice, let alone put it on the internet”.

Then it happened. With the Giants backed up to their own one yard line, Eli completes a part to Victor Cruz who blows by Kyle Wilson and Cromartie for a 99 yard touchdown. Cromartie wraps up on the field about as well as he does in the bedroom. This play blew the game wide open. To put things in comparison, Plax doesn’t have 99 yards total in his last four games combined. Sigh.

Tony Siragusa looks like he’s reprising his role from The 25th Hour.

Nick Folk misses the field goal before half, presumably after being iced by Jason Garrett.

A popular halftime hangout spot at MetLife is the Captain Morgan’s bar. If you don’t get there before halftime begins, you probably won’t get in because the line is cray.

Like the Jets but also like borderline racist bedroom acts? We have the shirt for you.

They’re taking the Snoopy theme pretty far at MetLife.

It was hard to tell in person, but Santonio Holmes seemed a little grumpy and slow getting off the line later in the game. We all remember when the Jets hit a rough patch (turbulence?) earlier in the season and Holmes treated the offensive line like Sergio Ramos treated the Copa del Rey. Let’s all hope he stays a happy camper.

Ahmad Bradshaw scores first in the second half. The Jets haven’t looked decent on offense since the opening drive. Every Jets fan is sick to their stomach and cursing their perceived culprit (Schotty or Sanchez).

The Jets seem to answer with Burress catching this touchdown, but it was called back as Plax pushed off the defender to gain separation. These are the things you have to do when you have the speed of a tectonic plate. Seriously, there are glaciers with better 40 times than Plax.

I didn’t take many photos during the third and fourth quarters, opting instead to sit in my seat and simmer. All the things that were plaguing the Jets now were obvious to most Jets fans for months. Before and after this game, much was made of Rex’s habit of talking big and how it ultimately impacts the team negatively. I’m more concerned with his personel decisions. If you aren’t interested in a long rant on the Jets player moves over the last few years, just skip this part.

Almost three years prior, the Jets had the best young team in football. They had drafted two players who are the best at their positions in football (Revis and Mangold) and other Pro Bowlers (Harris and Ferguson). Since Rex came on board the picks have ranged from Jury’s Still Out (Sanchez), to Questionable (Greene), to Vanity Pick (Connor), to Looks Like a Bust (Kyle Wilson), to Maybe The Worst Football Player Ever And Is The Centerpiece Of Jets Draft Day Blunders Volume 2 on Youtube (Vlad Ducasse).

The 2010 draft was especially troubling as the entire draft was essentially a whiff. You remember Kyle Wilson from a few photos ago, being beaten for that 99 yard touchdown pass. If you really want to know how the Jets feel about him, look back to this summer, when Cromartie was a a free agent and the Jets were courting Nnamdi, it was never suggested by anyone, at any time that the Jets just stand pat with Wilson at the spot. Usually if a team is in that situation and had used a first rounder on a CB the year before they at least think about it, the silence was deafening. Then there was Vlad Ducasse, who plays about as good as he looks (the Jets made fun of his appearance on Hard Knocks so I can too). The team has tried him at both guard and tackle and the results have been horrific. To save face, they now sneak him on the field as an extra tight end, just so when the D lineman blows by him, at least there is a longer path to Sanchez. Pretty soon Schotty is going to line him up at WR in a formation called the “JumboCat” and we are supposed to think it is innovative. Overall since Rex has been on board, the Jets have used a 3rd, two 4ths and a 5th round pick on running backs while trading away Leon Washington and cutting Danny Woodhead. Ugly.

The Free agency moves the Jets have made have been pretty bad. It started with Bart Scott, who has played well as a Jet and gave probably the greatest post game interview ever. With that said the Jets have $17 mil a year tied up in our two inside linebackers, an unweildly amount for one of the worst paid positions in the game. Then we embarked on a series of washed up veterans (Taylor, Tomlinson, Plax) who have actually blocked the development of younger players who are better than them anyway (McKnight, Braylon Edwards). McKnight playing behind Tomlinson is especially troubling for me because the Jets offense has literally no explosion, no home run threat, it just dinks and dunks around the field before stalling out. McKnight was leading the league in kick returns and in the two games where he got the most touches for the Jets, he didn’t get less than 121 total yards in either. Shonn Greene has only reached that mark twice in 41 more games.

I hated how they dealt with Darrelle Revis last year, nickle and diming him in a game of chicken that cost the Jets the first half of Revis season. This year they turn around and try to woo Nnamdi and offer him more money that Revis. This is for a player who never played a down for the Jets, who never dropped a bead of sweat on the Jets practice field. I’m sure this irony wasn’t lost on Revis (who can’t be franchised next time he hits the free agent market, gulp) and his teammates. The only younger player that Rex did supplant a veteran with was Wayne Hunter, who is maybe the worst right tackle in the league. It’s like if Adrian Clarke had a younger brother who played right tackle. This is especially maddening when many established yet disgruntled tackles have been available this off season for roughly nothing (Bryant McKinney and Jared Gaither come to mind)

I’m also at a loss for words to describe Rex’s inexplicable hatred for pass rushers. He drafted 8 QB/WR/RB’s but has yet to draft a pass rusher. The Jets didn’t sign a pass rusher either. Remember Jason Babin, who had 4 sacks of Sanchez two weeks ago? He was a free agent. Remember when the Jets “lost a bidding war” with the Chargers (maybe the most frugal team in the NFL) over Antwan Barnes, who signed a two year, 3.2 million dollar deal? He has 11 sacks. I would like to give the Jets credit for taking a chance on Maybin, but they cut him too, resigning him only after Bryan Thomas was injured, shows how much they thought of him. My explanation for the passing on pass rushers is that Rex is vain enough that he believes he can consistently scheme pressure. I was watching Kurt Warner on TV the other day and he was asked if he preferred teams to blitz or drop 7, he said blitz because it creates opportunities. I’m not the son of a Hall of Fame coach, but I can take a hint from what Kurt said. Couple that with fresh memories of Eric Smith trying to set the edge on Tim Tebow and Antonio Cromartie trying to make game saving tackles one on one and I get the impression that rushing four from time to time wouldn’t be the worst idea.

And I haven’t even brought up Brian Schottenheimer yet. He  is the most despised Jets O Coordinator since Paul Hackett, which is saying a ton. Fans all have different reasons why they hate him, but they all do, and the proof is in the pudding as the weekly NFL Defensive player of the Week Award has been won four times this year by a player who had just played the Jets. Maybe Rex has a soft spot in his heart for beneficiaries of of nepotism, but the organizations offseason decision to bring in Tom Moore to “help the offense” shows that he may already be on thin ice. I can only hope.

All this swirled around my head as I sat there, I had enough. There was roughly 8 minutes left, I said goodbye to my friends and joined the green stream heading towards the exit.

I didn’t leave the stadium, I just staggered around like Basquiat in the movie after Andy Warhol died. I watched random plays on TV’s until I composed myself and settled in to a different seat elsewhere so that I would be spared seeing the anguish on my friends faces. This wasn’t just a normal game, that stakes had tacitly been set: the fans of the winning team get bragging right multiple years until the next game and Brandon Jacobs will brag for the rest of his natural life. This was all unfolding in front of Giants fans, the same people that say “what are you thinking? why are you a Jets fan” to us every day already. They needs more ammunition like the Kardashians need another TV show.

My heart truly goes out to this guy. If you’re a New York sports fan and your team’s name ends in ‘ets, you’re a member of the Tri State Trinity of Sports Misfortune (had to find a nicer word that loserdom). Lets check in how the other two members are doing:

The Mets: They are the brokest sports team you could ever imagine. Just lost their 28 year old best player to a division rival. Have a new stadium that no one goes to and is patrolled by the 2011 version of “The Hound of Baskervilles”.

The Nets: Were front runners to land Dwight Howard until their trading chip (and second best player) broke his foot in, you guessed it, a preseason game with the Knicks. Now the Nets are hoping to still resign point guard/World Champion Dallas Mavericks fan Deron Williams, who will be a free agent at season’s end. Then the Nets will have to compete with, you guessed it, the Dallas Mavericks and their oodles of cap space, for his services. The Nets have a great owner Mikhail Prokorov, unfortunately Mr. Prokorov has taken on the kamikaze task of running against Vladimir Putin for President of Russia. Whether he will be radiation poisoned or arrested on trumped up financial crimes and brought to trial like Hannibal Lechter has yet to be decided, but one thing is sure, he won’t be running the Nets much longer.

So there you have it, the State of the ‘ets, sounds like a good time, huh?

After a couple of saves by the Tuck Rule (I still think all Tuck Rule balls are fumbles!) and Hakeem Nicks initiating a tip drill, the Jets were back in the game, down 13 and driving. As you can see Mark Sanchez is still ignoring Joe Girardi’s sliding lessons.

On the goal line the Jets executed a flawless play action bootleg which Sanchez was able to run in himself. This was Mark’s 6th rushing touchdown of the year, 5 more than Michael Vick.

With the Giants trying to get a first down, they ran a play where Brandon Jacobs ran parallel to the line. I have no idea why that play is in the Giant playbook but they need to throw it out.

And like that, the tides had turned, the Jets were getting the ball back, down 6. Was it time for more 4th Quarter Sanchez Magic?!

Nope, Sanchez was ruled “in the grasp” in the end zone before comically completing a pass to left tackle D’Brickashaw Ferguson. This was followed but an onside free kick (interesting to see) and Ahmad Bradshaw helping his fantasy owners in the fantasy finals.

I don’t know who’s idea it is to hand out these white towels to wave at game. “Waving the white flag” and “Throwing in the towel have negative connotations and what fans are doing with these towels could be construed as both.

This was the saddest Santa and Elf I have ever seen. The Elf’s breathing was labored, his anguish was undeniable.

No, thank you, for fucking up the team with botched personel moves over the last 2+ years.

As I was wallowing in self pity in the parking lot I saw Eric LeGrand. Here I was in despair over football and this man can’t move his limbs. It really put things in perspective and made me realize that football is secondary in comparison to my own well being and that of the people I love. It’s a shame that it took an accident as tragic as Eric’s to make me realize this.

After the game I joined the throng of fans from both sides that were herded towards the Secaucus bound train. A helicopter hovered over head and someone yelled “Hey look, its Chris Christie, stop using helicopters to go to games, Look he’s so fat it can barely stay in the air”. A lot of people laughed because New Jersey Christies tendencies to take state owned helicopters to games and to be fat.

This cop’s haircut was the talk of the train line. And not in a good way.

And That was the worst game I have ever been to in my life. Though this made me feel a little better:

I dedicate this photo essay and my life basically to my best friend Ian McCabe who died December 7th. Low as he was better know as was a great man and without his influence and support I doubt you would be looking this photo essay today. I’m extremely lucky to have friends with him for 21 years and the World is a worse off place without him.

The League may want to consider replacing the goal posts with stripper pole and adding garter’s to the uniform.

We can’t pretend that sexism is isn’t prevalent in real football too, exhibit A: NFL Cheerleaders. I don’t remember them ever leading me on a cheer. Unless LLF can define it’s line between adult entertainment and sports, stuff like this will continue to happen.

“Fantasy Football”

Actual woman football player.

Chicago Bear’s (and formerly Dallas Cowboy, hence the title) wide receiver Sam Hurd was arrested after trying to purchase 5-10 kilos of cocaine and a half ton of marijuana weekly from a North Texas supplier. God Damn. This make’s Bengals WR Jerome Simpson’s weed bust from earlier this year look like shake left over on a drug dealer’s scale.

Hurd was basically a special teamer and had 8 catches on the season.

So just like the rich kid who sells weed in a college dorm, he didn’t need to do it. Unfortunately for Sam, George W. isnt around to pardon him like he did John Forte (he probably would have, remember that the Cowboys are ‘Merica’s team).

It’s a shame he couldn’t have been more reasonable, like the guy from “Lean on Me” who only had 300 pounds of weed.

Read more in depth about this at Deadspin, the gold standard for scandal reporting.

**Update**

According to a report from 670 The Score in Chicago, Bears WR Sam Hurd supplied drugs to NFL players numbering in the “double digits.”

Sounds like this story has legs………

(Tattip: RotoWorld.com)